What Your Date’s Favorite Book Says About Him

1. To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee

This guy is all about tradition. He rarely uses slang, never swears in front of his parents, will take you to an appropriate film and a candlelit dinner on the first date and will call you the next morning. Not into lying or playing games, def owns at least one pair of pleated khakis.

2. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

He’s attractive because he’s pretentious. Only eats at restaurants if they are Zagat-rated, uses “summer” as a verb, drinks black coffee, scoffs when you ask him if he has a Facebook. You will tolerate him for approximately 1.5 dates.

3. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

His Instagram only goes back to December 2014 and you’re not quite sure why? He also has a really loud laugh, is awful at keeping up textual correspondence, invests in a more elaborate skin care regime than you do, names his silk kerchief as the one item he’d save from a fire.

4. The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger

He wants so badly to be an enigma or a ~*~cool social outcast~*~, but the only mystery about him is that he keeps his Twitter profile private. Very in tune with his emotions, will cry in front of you very early on in the relationship. Considers “500 Days of Summer” to be an underrated Indie classic.

5. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

The love of your life and the one you will never stop thinking about. Has hundreds of embarrassing childhood stories, is an excellent companion at stuffy dinner parties, gets along really well with your group of friends. But— his only flaw— he can’t and won’t take anything seriously.

6. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Always late, has no sense of time whatsoever. His DVR is jampacked with History Channel documentaries, he has at least one furniture item donned with the American flag, the Fourth of July is his favorite holiday. Believes any and all Illuminati conspiracy theories.

7. I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell by Tucker Max

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.

8. 1984 by George Orwell

He thinks he knows everything. Corrects your grammar as you’re speaking, seems to only read printed publications to find spelling errors, has tried on numerous occasions to convince you that you’re pronouncing your own last name wrong (“Well, if you really are of Scottish descent, it should be pronounced like this—”). 100% has a post-it note taped over the camera lens on his laptop, you know, just incase the government is watching.

9. On The Road by Jack Kerouac

Everything that comes out of his mouth is a free-flowing stream of consciousness. He barely has time to listen to you, there is just so much on his mind that he doesn’t feel the need to filter or censor. It’s hard to have conversations with him because you can tell, anytime he’s supposed to be listening to you, his mind is elsewhere. Always talks about doing a “Big Trip”— never actually executes said plans.

10. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

He’s down-to-earth and very granola. His favorite breakfast cereal is Grape-Nuts, he intentionally doesn’t own a dishwasher, has at one point in his life carved something out of wood. Knows how to change car tires, probably still owns a physical, printed dictionary and thesaurus. Old school.