How To Stay Brokenhearted
Blame yourself for being too big, too small, too loud, too opinionated. Fail to realize that you were just too big for his small hands, you were too loud for her closed ears, too opinionated for a mind that didn’t fully understand you. Sometimes its hard for people to understand that we all hold stars within our bones, sometimes people simply can’t handle having the universe within their palms. Blame yourself for that.
Think about what could have been. Project yourself into the future, recount and revisit all of your memories and imagine with wide eyes how many more you could have made with someone who was never fully present. Think about how one day, maybe, his laughter would have met his eyes.
Compare. Whenever someone interesting comes along, whenever someone who shows a genuine curiosity for what you hold within your mind enters your life, compare them to your history. Compare two completely different human beings, and associate two dissimilar kinds of love. Just like two unique fingerprints, they will not match. Use this as a means to walk away, because they are too different than the person who caused within you a familiar sort of sadness.
Close yourself off. Don’t go on dates. Promise yourself that you will stay in and think about all of the ways you could have changed the mind of a person who actively made a decision to leave. Go into coffee shops and sit alone, turn your head towards the ground as not to make eye contact with the person sitting across from you who happens to think that you are a masterpiece. In another world they could have been the kind of stranger that ended up showing you what love truly was, but you didn’t allow yourself that opportunity.
You stay brokenhearted by convincing yourself that you are undeserving of a love that thrives. You convince yourself that the past was the only potential you had, that your memories were home to the only person who knew you well enough to care. Out of billions of people, out of countless varying borders, new horizons, novel experiences, and fresh faces, you persuade yourself into thinking that there is only one variation that will breed happiness.
Trust me when I say that there is something deeply moving out there waiting for you – something you are worthy of, arms that do not hold you like dust within their grips, but love that builds within you foundationally. Trust me when I say that the past stretches and changes your heart, but that never renders you unlovable, that never renders you incapable of feeling again. Reaffirm this within yourself every single day, and you will mend. Reaffirm this with your life, and you will heal. 
Read more of Bianca Sparacino’s writing in her new book Seeds Planted in Concrete here.
