Let’s Talk About This Actual Child Rioting In Downtown Minneapolis On St. Patty’s Day

St. Patrick’s Day was either terrible or really awesome depending on you were in downtown Minneapolis last night. Unhindered by their minority status, hundreds of boisterous youths took to the streets to fight, run, fight some more, get arrested a bit, and then fight some more. Here are some highlights.

This actual child fleeing from the scene of a fight in which he was, presumably, not engaged.

Here’s a woman who appears to be so afraid of being beaten up some more that she refuses to emerge from the fetal position.

And here she is still upset and crying after police chased off her attackers and got her to safety.

This soon-to-be attorney lecturing a reporter on the proper language police should use when breaking up fights in the middle of downtown over and over and over and over. His take? Police shouldn’t use profanity but he can speak any way he wants.

And here’s poppa law saying “I’ll talk how I want!” as he and two other police officers disperse a crowd.

Six arrests were made during the holiday fracas, beginning at circa 7:30 as the parade was ending. There was also a shooting but no one’s been caught yet.

And all this took place in the absence of alcohol since most of these kids aren’t old enough to be within twenty feet of a liquor store.

TC’s own Chrissy Stockton is from Minneapolis and here’s what she had to say about the area where this all occurred. She has declared it sketch.

It’s downtown but off the beaten path just enough that ppl say shit to you nonstop and my friend got grabbed just walking to work

It’s on a bus line so ppl just hang out there and cause trouble

Now, since this is the internet and people need generalizations to contextualize events, let’s clear our palates with a humorous montage of White people rioting over sporting event outcomes. Take it away, Conan.