A Love Letter To My Future Husband

To my future husband, partner-in-crime and father of our daughter: you’ve found me. How do you know to love all of me before you know me. Your words comfort me like hymnal scriptures on a Sunday morning, flowing through my soul.

Not everyone is open and able, bobbing around in bubbles that will pop sooner or never. Yet you’ve felt my rainbow iridescence all along. And so our continued beginnings and constant what-if endings of our evolving love story cycle bigger and brighter. About time. Yet we never have enough time or the correct one. But it’s been decided. For when can we ever trump God’s idea of when to be ready and to rise and fall…

I am like you and I am unlike you. I am broken. I have sinned. I have been wrong and wronged. I will the wrong and run away from what’s right. I have been accused of flightiness and manipulation. I have been lost. I have lost sight of the virtue of patience in my search for a place to call home — when it’s really the place of us. I’ve looked for you on the subway. I’ve prayed for you to appear as more than just a mirage miracle. I’ve questioned your existence. I’ve mistaken you in the form of others. I thought I saw you across the stadium. Then, I let go of my search in my idea of you. Yet you exist.

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I am an anomaly. I got over and tired of me and my harried, hurried efforts. I am at ease with a renewed, forgiven self. I love everything deeply for love’s sake. And now I’m on the path that eventually leads to you – but not this moment. I’m not there yet. We’ll meet someday at heart’s center and take center stage. Someday soon – it’s the promise of our messy ivy lives to intertwine as seaweed in the sea, ebbing and flowing together. My dear, this will make all the worthwhile sense.

I want to heal your pain, bury your sorrows, lift you up and away. I want to bring you joy, laughter and happiness. And I want you to take me with you. You are the one who will make me whole because I am connected with you but not attached to you. You’ll serve as the wind behind my back.

I see my truth in everything and your truth everlasting. One day we’ll lay our backs on the beach, draw our new, long-form narrative across the star-studded sky. For I am the moon to your sun, reflecting your glow and glory, the gravity of our connection pulling me closer in omniscient silence.