32 NFL Teams, And What They’d Be Like As High School Kids

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys – The Prom Queen.  She’s pretty, popular and has a lot to offer.  But don’t let the sweet face fool you.  She LOVES drama and wherever she goes, it’s sure to follow.

Philadelphia Eagles – The street kid turned track star.  This kid is no stranger to adversity and the challenges he has faced in life have made him tough.  Luckily, a new coach recognized his raw talent and is helping him turn turmoil into triumph.

New York Giants – The dorky guy that took the pretty girl to prom.  Nobody could believe it when the prettiest girl in school asked this guy to prom…twice!  But alas, the fairy tale ended for the poor fellow and he’ll be stuck re-living those nights for years to come.

Washington Redskins – The Marching Band.  You can count on these kids to make a lot of noise.  They’ll always be AT the game, just not necessarily IN the game.  They’re quick to invest in shiny new instruments with the aim of producing a better sound but unfortunately for this group, that’s not always the answer; someone will still play out of tune. 

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons – The Goth.  No one really understands this one.  The truth is, he might be an awesome person with great potential, but he rarely opens up to anyone outside of his circle.  Occasionally, he’ll do something so surprising that leaves his peers in awe of an unknown talent, only to quickly revert back to his habitual ways.

Carolina Panthers – The Prep.  This clean-cut kid, who’s also nominated for best-dressed, comes from a nice home.  He is known for his unique, fresh style but unlike many of his preppy counterparts, isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty either.

New Orleans Saints – Most School Spirited.  An honorable kid from a rough neighborhood, this one is proud of where he came from and his community is proud of him, too.  Standing tall in the face of tough times and tragedy, he serves as a role model to other classmates.  But don’t be confused, he’s not a completely straight-laced guy; as admirable as he is, he sure knows how to party, too.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – The shy guy.  He’s the kid in the corner that no one pays attention to until he surprises them with his talent.  He doesn’t like to draw much attention to himself but there was that one time, at the big party, when he beat up the bully…

NFC North

Chicago Bears – The Body Builders.  There’s no denying their strength, but lately, taking up space in the hallway is about the only thing you can count on them for.  While this crew might seem at little cold-hearted, rumor has it that jamming out to What Does the Fox Say is one thing that gets them smiling these days.

Detroit Lions – Best Looking.  This girl is stunning and has talent to go along with it.  At a simple glance, one would assume she has a lot going for her. But as soon as she opens her mouth, you quickly realize that despite all the good qualities, there is not much going on upstairs.

Green Bay Packers – Class President.  Also up for the Most Likely to Succeed nomination, this guy is the whole package.  He has blazed a path of success for much of his life and shows no sign of stopping.

Minnesota – The Little Brother.  This one has some big shoes to fill.  He idolizes his older brothers and always tries to be included in their plans, however, he’s just not one of the big boys yet.  He’ll make them proud one day.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals – The Lost Boys.  Once a powerful force, this group has struggled to recapture a true identity after their leader graduated a few years back.

San Francisco 49ers – The Super Senior.  A few years ago, this guy was THE man.  He had a car before others even knew how to drive, bought cigarettes before others could do the same.  Now, he’s three years older and a foot taller than the rest of his classmates, stuck in the memory of his glory days.

Seattle Seahawks – The Jock.  This one exudes athleticism and he has no lack of confidence; he’ll let you know just how good he is.  Lucky for him, though, he can back it up.  No stranger to the limelight, he’s also up for the nomination of most talkative. 

St. Louis Rams – The Wallflower.  This one can often be found in the corner by himself; unnoticed by classmates.  He frequents parties because he wants to be part of the action just like his peers but rarely does anything to make himself stand out among the crowd.

AFC South

Houston Texans – The New Kid.  No one knows quite what to make of the new guy at school yet.  There’s a mystery there – where he came from, what his back story is and what his impact will be at this school.  It may take some time but we’re confident that soon, he’ll settle in just where he belongs.

Indianapolis Colts – The Honor Roll Student.  This kid has been a straight-A student his whole life.  With more academic accolades than most of his classmates put together, the future is bright for this one.

Jacksonville Jaguars – Last to be picked in Gym Class.  We feel bad for this one.  He seems like a nice young man and you want him to be involved, but let’s be honest, it’s only out of pity.  In fact, some students lead him on to thinking they really like him when in reality, they’re only using him for his pool.  For his sake, we hope one day he grows big and strong, proving his doubters wrong.

Tennessee Titans – Most Changed.  He’s almost unrecognizable from his early days.  His family moved here when he was in elementary school and since then, he has morphed like a chameleon – even changed his last name!

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens – Best All Around.  This girl has beauty and brains.  A talented athlete and amicable personality, yet not afraid to stand up for what she believes in. 

Cincinnati Bengals – Biggest Flirt.  This guy talks a big game and he leads all the girls in school to think their relationship could really go somewhere.  But ladies beware, his commitment issues will prevent things between you two from going the distance. 

Cleveland Browns – The Drifter.  This kid travels from group to group, just trying to find himself.  One week he may be a goth, the next, a jock.  He has had many faces and still is not sure which one he can truly identify with.

Pittsburgh Steelers – The Mean Girl.  She is a legacy in this high school and boy, does she like to flaunt it.  She’s as terrible as she is hot.  You want to be on this one’s good side because if not, she’ll surely tear you apart.

AFC West

Denver Broncos – The Stoners.  It’s hard not to classify this kid under the stoner category based on his geographic location, but he assumes many of the characteristics as well.  Don’t let his laid-back persona fool you, this kid is not dumb – he just chooses not to apply himself at times.  He’ll show up when he wants to show up and perform when he wants to perform. 

Kansas City Chiefs – The Cheerleaders.  This group is as loud as they are proud.  With screeches reaching record-breaking decibels, they are never ones to keep their sense of school pride hiding inside.

Oakland Raiders – The Bully.  This kid hangs with a tough crowd.  He has struggled to amount to much so to mask his insecurities, he puts on an aggressive façade with the aim of instilling fear upon the other kids in school.   

San Diego Chargers – The Surfer Guy.  He’s just an all-around cool dude.  He’s not the most popular guy in school by any means, but everyone who knows him, likes him.  His carefree attitude helps him to bounce back when things don’t go his way.

AFC East

Buffalo Bills – The Drop-out.  Once an all-star, this kid struggled to find success after coming in second at everything he did for four consecutive years.  On a brighter note: word on the street is that a new coach just onboard from a rival high school is focused on tapping this one’s old talents and bringing him back for another shot at greatness.

Miami Dolphins – The Skater.  This kid is a little weird but cut him a bit of slack, he’s had some family issues behind closed doors.  While he skates through the school year showing glimpses of talent, we’re still waiting for that 180.

New England Patriots – The Spoiled Rich Kid.  There is no denying this one’s talent, but he’s also privy to the course before the race.  A product of his upbringing, he knows the taste of success and will take whatever means necessary to achieve it.  Side note: this one is also up for the cutest couple award.

New York Jets – Class Clown.  It doesn’t take anyone too long to realize this kid is a joke.  He’ll never shy away from laughing at his own anecdotes which to others may come across as dull or even abrasive.  While at times offensive, there really is no need to worry about this one – his bark is much bigger than his bite.