8 Red Flags That Prove You Should’ve Dumped Him Ages Ago

Updated 10 years ago, February 19, 2015

Sometimes it just feels vaguely like things aren’t going great but you aren’t quite sure whether it’s time to try to repair your relationship or kiss it goodbye. The limbo phase sucks, so let’s talk about some solid reasons for breakup.

Some of this seems obvious, but when you’re stuck in a crappy relationship it doesn’t feel so cut and dried, and it helps to see it written out, glaring at you in the face.

Here are some really good reasons to break up:

1. There is abuse.

This is the single most important reason to leave on this list. My hope is that if this is you, you’ll read this and the lightbulb will finally go on.
Remember that abuse isn’t just physical; it comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s not gender specific and crosses all demographics. If you’re being abused, please, please start taking steps to leave right now.

2. You’ve lost yourself.

Losing yourself sneaks up on you. Usually you don’t realize that your passions have fallen by the wayside until you’re left with a nagging feeling that you’re just a shadow of your former vibrant self.

This happens for several reasons. It could be because you don’t have a partner who shares or at least encourages you to follow your passions. It can also be a result of letting yourself go physically as your relationship wears on. Either way, it can feel like you’ve so solidly melded into coupledom or that YOU have been replaced with WE in a way that makes you feel dead inside.

3. No matter what you’ve tried, you can’t get your sex life back on track.

Sex is super important. The connection it fosters between a couple simply can’t be replaced any other way.

I don’t advocate dumping someone cold if things get slightly stale. There’s plenty that could be done. However, a partner who refuses to meet your needs or vice versa is the death knell for a relationship, especially when you’ve tried everything and still can’t get the passion back on track.

4. You’re sad way more often than you’re happy.

This is common when you’ve been fighting constantly. Another sign that your happiness train has gone off the track is when you’re constantly asking friends for advice. Since your friends won’t always level with you and tell you the ugly truth, let me be the bearer of the bad news.
A good relationship will make you happy way more often than it will make you cry.

5. The trust is long gone.

Obviously, cheating, lying and suspicion all erode your bond. When the feeling of safety that you both share has been replaced with mistrust, it’s really difficult to for the relationship to recover.

6. You’re cheating.

This reason to breakup seems like it should fall into the “no, duh” category, but it’s more common than it seems. If you’re having an affair, contemplating one, or have already cut a new pony from the herd, you owe it to your current partner to break it off and move on.

7. You have major, insurmountable philosophical/lifestyle/child rearing differences.

These are the big things, like you wanting kids and your mate doesn’t or vice versa. These are the life decisions that can’t be negotiated, only moved on from.
Ignoring non-negotiables like this is a ticking time bomb, eventually it will all blow up. Rather than get to that point, it’s time to sit down and discuss the fact that you want to live in a commune or ___ (insert insurmountable obstacle here) ____.

8. On again, off again is giving you whiplash.

The breakup, makeup cycle is a nearly impossible spiral to pull yourself out of. If you’ve started this cycle with a lover, know that 99.99 percent of the time it ends horribly and just plain isn’t worth it.

This is because what brings you back for more usually can’t overcome the erosion of trust caused by repeated breakups.