5 steps to not quitting your job

muster up the courage to decide to quit your job

you’ve been at your job for two years now. two fucking years. how have you worked this soul crushing job for so long? you were only supposed to work this job for like 6 months then quit when you found your dream job. after thinking about this, you decide that you quitting your job this week is the only way for you to maintain your mental stability

tell your favorite coworker that you’re definitely quitting

this is the only person who has your back at work so you confide in them that you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time for you to quit and it will happen sooner than later. “but i’ll miss you” says your favorite coworker “i know” you reply

start being lazy

come to work 40 minutes late everyday. take hour long lunch breaks. perform all your tasks in a half assed manner. whenever anyone asks you to do something, just don’t do it.

throw a tantrum

you’ve been waiting to throw shade at your boss for the past two years, and now that you’re quitting, you can be as shady as you want to be without worrying about getting fired. when your boss asks you why you’re acting so aggressive today, you scream that you are fucking quitting soon and can’t take being suffocated by this job and working with a bunch of imbeciles on a day to day basis

apologize to your boss

after realizing that you don’t have enough money saved to quit your job, you call your boss and apologize for throwing a tantrum. you say that you didn’t mean anything that you said and need to desperately keep your job or you won’t be able to pay your rent. your boss accepts your apology and you are now back at square one