20 (Actually Useful) Classes You Should Take After College

Making Fake Plans 202

Updated 10 years ago, December 22, 2014

1. Talking About Your Day 101

Course Overview: From perfecting basic phrasing (“I’m getting clobbered at work”) to learning how to exhale with just the right amount of annoyance, this is an essential course for any recent college graduate.

2. Intro To Wine Pronunciation

Course Overview: Zin-fan-del.

3. Grocery Shopping On A Budget

Course Overview: If your weekly budget is $40, and you spend $32 out of your $38 total on various nacho dips, is that a successful outing?

4. Improv101

Course Overview: In this class you’ll briefly consider following through on your dream-job of being an actor on a quirky sitcom that gets cancelled too soon, only to realize how much work and sacrifice that would actually entail.

5. Rent Complaining 101

Course Overview: In this class, you’ll learn how to tell others that you’ve “had it” with how expensive your neighborhood is getting, despite having only lived there for 8 months.

6. Making Fake Plans 202

Course Overview: One of the most essential skills of adulthood is mutually agreeing to “grab lunch sometime,” and making that declaration feel sincere despite having no intention to follow through. You’ll learn how to do this, completely with a friendly “buh-bye!” wave.

7. Ugh, Dating

Course Overview: You’ll take this class not because you’re interested in the topic, but to because you’re looking to meet someone. Amazingly, you’ll be attracted to approximately zero people in this class.

By the end of the three month session, you’ll go out get very close to drunkenly hooking up with another classmate.

8. The Fine Art Of Tolerating Your Co-Workers

Course Overview: Keep it to yourself, keep it to yourself, keep it to yourself.

9. How To Make It Seem Like You’re Actually Working

Course Overview: The first four weeks of this eight week section will be devoted to perfecting the ever-crucial “window minimize.”

10. How To Talk About Your Screenplay

Course Overview: You’ll learn the very important skill of convincing all your friends that you’re delving pretty deeply into the art of screenwriting — and that even though you’re hitting some second act road blocks, “it’s coming along pretty well.”

11. How To Semi-Uncomfortably Grow Apart From Your College Friends

Course Overview: This includes a weekend field study, in which one must successfully navigate sitting silently at a bar at 2am, angry at spending $50 whilst not really having much fun. No one else there is that thrilled either.

12. Failed Book Club 101

Course Overview: We will study the stages of a failed book club; primarily, we will study the initial email that attempts to gauge interest, and the tepid reception it received.

13. Backhanded Compliments 205

Course Overview: As you become more and less successful than other friends, you will learn how to stomach subtle insults (“this is pretty nice for what you’re going for”), as well as learn how to dish the dirt to others (“that’s not bad for someone in that industry, right?”)

14. Phone Anxiety, And The Art Of Common Sense

Course Overview: In this class, a professor who hasn’t caught up with modern-day society will try and convince you that just because you have two missed calls and a voicemail, it doesn’t automatically mean someone in your family has died.

15. Opinions On Television Shows

Course Overview: Taught by a esteemed cultural critic who argues that self-worth is determined by twitter followers, you will learn to have opinions about television shows and project them onto others.

16. How To Reduce Student Debt

Course Overview: This series of four 8-week sessions, priced at $400 each, will teach you how you to reduce your student debt for a great low rate of $50 per class! If you happen to miss a class, you will not be refunded. You can also take our fifth class, for a cool six-hundo.

17. Should I Go To Grad School? 101

Course Overview: This class, which you can take online from the comfort of your own windowless apartment, will teach you how to properly surf the web for grad school options after a bad day at work.