An Inner Monologue Of Dying Your Hair At Home
- “I need a CHANGE. Like NOW. RIGHT NOW.”
- “God, I’d love to have hair as dark and full of life as the Kardashians. Is dying my naturally blonde hair black a good idea? Hm. Probably not. Oh well. How bad can this possibly go?”
- “Maybe I should wait a bit… I’ll see if I feel the same way in a week’s time…”
- “NO. Time is for the weak. It’s now or never. Vamanos.”
- “I wonder how much the hair dresser will quote me for this…”
- “HOW BLOODY MUCH? Bitch, please. That’s daylight robbery. I’ll be living off of canned food for weeks. No thanks.”
- “I guess I’ll have to take matters into my own hands. $8 for hair dye? Yes please. If that doesn’t scream quality, I don’t know what does!”
- “Best watch a tutorial on YouTube first. I’m no fool. I’m not going to go into this completely blind.”
- “20 minutes for a hair tutorial seems a bit excessive. I’ll skip to the last 2 minutes just so I can see the finished article.”
- “Well, her hair is still attached to her head. So that’s put my worst fears firmly at ease. Let’s get this show on the road!”
- “Bloody hell, this dye is potent. I think my lungs are scarred.”
- “SHIT. I was meant to do an allergy test?! Fuck. Too late now.”
- “This seems like a lot of dye… hmm. The more I put on my hair the better, right? RIGHT?!”
- “Is that a spot of dye on my carpet?! For God’s sake.”
- “HAVE I JUST PUT ACID ON MY SCALP?!”
- “Has it been 30 minutes yet?!”
- “Time to wash this mess out. WHAT EVEN IS THIS COLOR COMING OUT OF MY HAIR?!”
- “Oh. My. God. This feels damaged as fuck. Where can I buy conditioner in bulk?!”
- “THIS IS NOT THE COLOR THAT I WAS PROMISED ON THE BOX. I HAVE BEEN CONNED. CONNED! OH MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! WHAT ARE THESE PATCHES?! HOW DO I FIX THIS COLOSSAL DISASTER QUICKLY AND CHEAPLY?! Fuck. FUCK.”
- “Oh BRILLIANT, the ends are snapping off in my hands. Maybe I should just shave it off and start again…NO. Don’t be stupid. This can be fixed. JUST KEEP IT TOGETHER.”
- “Hello? Yes, can I book an emergency hair appointment for today? I’ve had a bit of an accident…”
