21 Hilarious Tweets You Need In Your Life

These are ridiculously funny.

Updated 11 years ago, October 14, 2014

https://twitter.com/KeetPotato/status/305681356808155136

https://twitter.com/Maaouad/status/204730096718848000

[at dinner party]
Me: Excuse me, a bit of an announcement.. Jenny and I are expecting a kid. She is 4 months pregnant.
Vegan: I'm vegan

— luke [from online] (@internetluke) August 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/bakedbrotatoes/status/458680148565716992

What were Chick Fil-A's other mascot ideas before landing on an illiterate cow begging for his life?

— rob fee (@robfee) October 10, 2014

most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns

— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 12, 2013

as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water

— ret (@rad_milk) April 16, 2012

Whenever you girls go to the bathroom together, us guys huddle up and smooch before you get back. It's our biggest secret

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 21, 2014

If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero who struggled with basic literacy.

— Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) December 12, 2011

https://twitter.com/Brandamonium/status/504750459903438849

https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/461880414441709568

https://twitter.com/JustinFurano/status/169065925658677248

After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) July 2, 2014

Very nervous to use the bathroom because i ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight

— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) July 6, 2014

https://twitter.com/andylevy/status/205012246500352002

The worst part about getting my hand stuck in a Pringles can is when I can't get it out because my other hand is stuck in a Pringles can.

— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) January 31, 2012

GIRLS DONT EVEN REALIZE HOW BAD THEY WANT ME TIL WE BECOME FB FRIEND & THEY SEE ALL 200 OF MY PROFILE PICS ARE ME MID-RIDE ON ROLLERCOASTERS

— conor hankinson (@ConorTripler) October 30, 2011