20 Hilarious Jokes To Make Your Weekend Even Better
Sorry I yelled "killin' it" when your mom was eating that banana.
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) January 7, 2013
This is a pretty shitty flash mob. It's in my living room, only my family showed up, and they're just telling me to stop drinking.
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 1, 2012
make your date feel important by asking lots of questions and holding an invisible mic to her mouth for every answer
— chuuch (@ch000ch) September 18, 2014
Very nervous to use the bathroom because i ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) July 6, 2014
Are there glory holes for just holding hands?
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) April 8, 2013
https://twitter.com/GrowlyGrego/status/407885083958194177
https://twitter.com/relatabledad/status/324901452730486785
*nervously plays with tie*
"I'm sorry. I'm no good during job interviews."
That's ok, just let go of my tie and go on your side of the desk.— brent (@murrman5) October 26, 2013
Scientists say Jupiter cant support human life but maybe Jupiter’s just really focused on her career for now. Why be so judgmental, science?
— rob fee (@robfee) March 8, 2014
https://twitter.com/pattymo/status/502471648969498624
https://twitter.com/JustinFurano/status/255813687418445824
DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) August 8, 2012
Sorry, what were you saying? My stupid baby fell over. pic.twitter.com/7WrDRVU2rM
— Tater 🍁🐾 (@TrueTorontoGirl) September 11, 2014
https://twitter.com/nataliejmooney/status/457421003333726208
https://twitter.com/SocialExtortion/status/347869909306470400
https://twitter.com/justaride/status/328283107012788225
https://twitter.com/briangaar/status/362367268233019392
https://twitter.com/robwhisman/status/339857627913781250
https://twitter.com/Lindzeta/status/406634050133434368
Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime.
— ceej (@ceejoyner) October 13, 2012
https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/269577177509543936
A neurologist, a lawyer and a dentist walk into a bar. It's probably a fancy bar those jobs pay well. I forget the joke but good for them.
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) June 17, 2014
