26 Hilarious Jokes About Dating That Single And Taken People Can Laugh At

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.

By Timmy Parker

Updated 12 years ago, September 20, 2014

THE GHOSTS OF YOUR FAILED RELATIONSHIPS ARE SPEAKING TO YOU THROUGH ITUNES SHUFFLE

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 25, 2013

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.

— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014

https://twitter.com/msdanifernandez/status/339505577426317312

“Omg me too!” – Everybody on a first date

— rob fee (@robfee) May 22, 2014

Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it

— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) June 13, 2013

Saw a guy on a date use a tip calculator app and instantly add 15% more of a chance she has to "be up really early tomorrow."

— Rachel Lichtman (@rachelichtman) October 11, 2012

A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie & mom’s maiden name, then login & read all their emails.

— Chris Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) September 9, 2014

Girls complain about guys using them for sex, but sex is awesome! Start bitching when he uses you for laundry, or as a human shield.

— stephanie mcmaster (@Smethanie) October 7, 2011

https://twitter.com/Maaouad/status/202188091576958977

90% of a relationship is figuring out where to eat

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 26, 2013

Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) November 14, 2012

https://twitter.com/chetprtr/status/401847004122583042

https://twitter.com/TomHanksIsHot/status/295045161921150977

If my girlfriend doesn't start being nicer to me, I'm totally gonna bottle up my rage and stay in this shitty relationship for 2 more years.

— slam dance tarantula (@JermHimselfish) July 17, 2012

https://twitter.com/ryanoconn/status/442841159392456704

Hey girl are you a jellyfish because my understanding of your anatomy is rudimentary at best and I'm afraid to go near you

— Sean, From On Line (@asimplesean) July 9, 2013

https://twitter.com/ayyhluscu/status/286217368093478913

https://twitter.com/nachosarah/status/264832207498117120

Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) April 24, 2014

DATING TIP: Put your arm around her. Then your other arm. Complete the tackle. 4th down now, they have to punt. Wait this might be football.

— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 14, 2014

https://twitter.com/Im_Tricia/status/121045304928772096