In Defense of Train Flirting

I don’t remember the last time I’ve gone anywhere—be Starbucks or a different country—where I haven’t imagined a life with the people around me. Simple and sane things of course, like, “Oh, you held the door for me? Does a June wedding work for your second cousins?” to just wow, I think the flight attendants on this flight are in love with me. I’m not sure if this is a universal thought process, because I’m someone so self-obsessed I regularly assume my barista will write their number on my coffee cup. BUT if you feel like you relate to this, then get back on the subway while giving a lil’ smirk over your kindle to your soul mate across the aisle (but make sure you hide the fact that you’re reading 50 Shades of Grey. Don’t lie, the reason you bought a kindle is so you could read that judgment free).

However, if you’re not sold on this philosophy, let me help you. I’ll be fast, because you’ve got places to go and people to see—and by see I mean gaze at from a distance for five-to-ten stops. Train flirting is the purest and tamest type of infatuation you can have ever since you’ve started to realize writing your name on a notebook with someone else’s last name might be considered identity theft. You get to feel like you’re fun and adventurous, plus it’s definitely one of the best ways to increase your imagination. This is done best when you’re rows and rows behind the person, so there’s not even a chance of interaction. I swear this isn’t considered stalking. I think. Plus, the best part comes when you test how invested in this you really are. They switched their seat and are now in the quiet car? You guess you can lower my headphone volume… Wait have people been able to hear me listening to “Anaconda” for the past half-hour? Damnit, I’m going to the quiet car.

Now I know, this sounds like it’s perfect only for the lonely and delusional people of the world, and you may be right (I’m currently Facebook stalking my landlord because I literally don’t know what boundaries are). But, Train Flirting is basically just Tinder without having to connect to WiFi or dealing with the awkward dilemma of swiping right on someone you went to high school with.  So close down that app, get to your nearest station and plan the destination wedding of your dreams.