20 Hilarious Jokes You Have To Read Immediately
https://twitter.com/luckyshirt/status/367120565905014786
Every woman has her date bra and her fat pants and her crying shirt and her murder wig and her courtroom brooch.
— Rachel Lichtman (@rachelichtman) July 21, 2012
https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/265347902564597760
"No its cool. Ive been working nonstop while your grandpa laid in the bed. He def deserves to go to Wonka's Factory over me." -Charlie's Mom
— rob fee (@robfee) June 11, 2014
Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs.
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) April 10, 2012
If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) August 27, 2012
https://twitter.com/tarashoe/status/407940074358059008
https://twitter.com/lawblob/status/292044996922707968
You know the second after you bleach your anus someone is going to spill red wine on it, right?
— Lisa Beth Johnson (@ladybirdj) June 20, 2012
Why is Uncle Sam our uncle? Did America's parents die in a car crash? Are we Batman? I'd like that.
— Jill Morris (@JillMorris) June 17, 2011
"Hun, I'm quitting my job and going to learn to become a psychic. Now I know what you're thinking, well not yet. I'm going to learn though"
— brent (@murrman5) January 3, 2014
Women can split open our bodies & chuck living human beings out of our midsections so how about you go ahead & pay us as much as men.
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) August 23, 2014
https://twitter.com/Brandamonium/status/193870363984273409
yes hello 911, i just accidentally liked my ex's vacation pic from 2004
— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 7, 2014
https://twitter.com/msdanifernandez/status/339505577426317312
https://twitter.com/shadygrenade/status/463707611284910080
WHAT ABOUT SNACKCHAT I'D BE ON THAT
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) August 22, 2014
I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case someone tries to break in and pitch a no hitter
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 5, 2014
I'm gonna take u home, take off your clothes & then have u put on slightly more comfortable versions of those same clothes -Mr. Rogers sext
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) February 27, 2014
