10 Ways Well-Meaning People Sabotage Their Love Lives

1. They don’t give people a chance.

I was catching up with a male childhood friend a few weeks ago and thinking about what a great catch he is. He moved to the middle of nowhere for his work so dating is tricky and he relies on online dating to meet women. I thought, what would I think of this guy if we meet off an internet site? He’s intelligent, high communicative, curious, fun, and kind — I honestly couldn’t ask for more. But yet, I think if I met him off a dating site I’d think he was weird. I wouldn’t know all the really great things about him off the bat I’d just notice his dad humor and his quirkiness. If I’ve been rejecting guys of this quality, I’ve definitely been doing dating wrong.

It takes awhile for people to reveal themselves to you. I like to think I’m great at listening to my intuition and making snap judgements about people, but that’s simply not the way we should approach dating. We need to watch and listen — and reserve judgement for a few dates.

2. They fall into casual relationships.

Casual relationships are fine — if that’s what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a Real Relationship the worst thing you can do is let yourself fall into some kind of non-defined hooking up relationship, it will never turn into what you want. And, meanwhile, you’re wasting time you could be spending searching out the person who wants what you do.

The best way to avoid casual relationships is to hold yourself to your standards. Don’t sleep with someone before you know they’re looking for the same kind of relationship you are, and that they can at least see you as a potential match. To be even safer, wait until you’re “official.”

3. They get into a rut.

No one wants to picture the rest of their life as boring. When you date someone and you get into a rut, you wonder “is this it?”

There should always be a bit of sparkle in relationships. Keep a weekly date night. Close the bathroom door. Keep looking for ways to impress and woo your partner. This will keep your relationship exciting.

4. They expect their partner to complete them.

If you want someone that will make you feel “full” and give your life purpose and ride off into the sunset together, I’ve got news for you — it’s never going to happen.

A great boyfriend or girlfriend is awesome, but it’s not ever going to complete your life. No one is perfect, no one is going to understand and adore every single quirk about you. If that is what you are looking for you will be disappointed.

5. They want the same person everyone else wants.

So you want a guy who’s over 5’10, college educated, on a career track job, and attractive? Every other girl too. Do you have all those things yourself (or the female equivalent)? A good rule of thumb is to pick two things you absolutely must have. Then, realize everything else is negotiable. You can’t look for someone who has everything, you should look for someone who has what is most important to you and then relax about everything else.

6. They’re too immature.

If drunk texting is still a problem for you, you just might not be in the place in life where you are attracting the person of your dreams. Same if you get in fights over text or “ice” the person instead of explaining why you’re upset. Work on growing up, then come back to dating.

7. They think someone should love them “as is.”

Some people look at the flaws in their life — their lack of ambition, their smoking addiction, their less than desirable job status and think “it won’t matter to my soulmate, they will love me for who I am.” This isn’t true. We don’t just love someone for no reason. We are attracted to them and grow to love them, but the attraction and the woo-ing come before the condition-less love. Become the kind of person you’d be flattered to date.

8. They are bitter.

If you’re always talking on social media about how “all men suck” or “women are illogical” you probably aren’t coming across as a catch. No one, NO one, wants to date someone who’s bitter and comes with a bunch of baggage about their ex or women/men in general. Get over it. Don’t let yourself be unhappy over stuff that’s over and done with.

9. They aren’t generous enough.

When you are dating someone you should be looking out for them instead of wondering what you are getting from them. Don’t play games where you give them just enough attention. Build them up. Make them feel loved. Or else, why are they with you?

10. They give up too soon.

You can’t win if you leave the game at half time. A lot of people get sick of dating because it’s hard work. But if your goal is to find a life partner some day, you have to keep going. They aren’t going to fall into your lap, and you won’t meet them on your couch watching Netflix. You must keep trying.