Dr. Seuss Presents: BAE

There was nothing going on.
It was such a boring day.
On his futon sat Ron,
when he got a text from BAE.

Now BAE was very special, her and Ron hung out a lot.
They were certainly exclusive, but hadn’t yet tied the knot.
“I love this girl so much,” Ron would always say,
and she’d reciprocate those feelings every #ManCrushMonday.
Ron read BAE’s text; she offered him an invite.
“R U free? Plz say yes, I wanna see U 2nite!”
Of course Ron said yes, he was excited to see BAE.
He began cleaning his home, yes he cleaned all day.

Dusting and sweeping, mopping, doing dishes.
BAE loved a clean home, Ron wanted to fulfill her wishes.
Once it was spotless, Ron sat down to wait.
It was 5pm, then 6pm, then 7, then 8.
Where was BAE? Impatient, Ron sent her a text.
“I thought we were hanging tonight, what the heck?”
How dare BAE not to respond,
seeing this hurt and irritated Ron.
“Well two can play that game!” he muttered out loud
“I’ll make BAE regret this!” Ron angrily vowed.
He nodded to himself in the mirror & confidently flexed.
Then he sent out text after text after text text text.
“Hey stranger?” “How r u?” “Wanna hang?” Ron was desperate
but he didn’t care, he wrote words, saw ‘SEND’ and pressed it.
Texting all of these girls in search of a new boo,
suddenly Ron got a response from THOT 1 & THOT 2.
“I’ll be right over!” said THOT 1,
THOT 2 said the same, this was going to be fun.

THOT 1 and THOT 2 came over with drinks.
There was sipping and chugging and the sound of glass clinks!
They got buzzed, they got drunk, they got downright hammered.
The more that they drank, the less that stuff mattered.
They let loose a lot, first the girls began to twerk.
Then activities went from PG-13, to R-Rated, to not-safe-for-work.

BZZ BZZ! Ron’s phone began to vibrate.
It was several texts from BAE, explaining why she’d run late.
She had guided an old lady across the street,
then bought shoes for a homeless man who had none on his feet.
She also helped some kids get their cat out of a tree,
and from a burning building she’d managed to save a baby.
“I’ll be there in five,” read the last text from BAE.
“Oh no” was the only phrase Ron could say.
Well that, and “Get out! Hurry, leave now!”
He pushed the two THOTs out the door and said “Ciao!”

Ron felt awful, what was he thinking?
While BAE was out being a saint, he was with other women drinking.
BAE arrived shortly after, giving Ron a hug and kiss.
Was he actually going to get away with this?
“Sorry, were you bored waiting on me?” BAE asked.
Should Ron lie or be honest and put himself on blast?
“It was so boring,” Ron hesitantly lied.
He couldn’t be honest and risk losing his future bride.
Don’t you roll your eyes & judge, what was Ron supposed to say?
I mean would you tell the truth if you’d just cheated on your BAE?