6 Reasons Why Going Back To Your Ex Is A Terrible Idea

When you get back into an old relationship, you are giving false hope to the one who already had their heart broken.

Updated 10 years ago, June 11, 2014

You know that old cliche, “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.” Well that saying clearly hasn’t met my ex’s. Relationships are not always fixable, and most people don’t even want to put in the effort. Hell the divorce rate is like 60/40 now. So all relationships are hail mary’s, and getting into an old one…well good luck to you. Let’s face it, stepping into an old relationship is like going back to a job you quit. Half the time, pride alone is enough to keep you away. Job or relationship, it usually doesn’t end well – again. But if you are thinking of getting back with an ex, here are some things to consider.

1. Have you considered why it didn’t work out the first time around?

The truth is something was wrong last time. It had to be. You don’t break up for no reason. They cheated, you fell out of love, they weren’t the person you thought they were, they stopped going to the gym, one of you fell for someone else, they wouldn’t close the toothpaste cap… something had to happen to make you break up. Magic won’t help you now. The past is the past, and most of the time you can’t get it back. It’s sort of like my favorite sweatpants that magically popped up on Facebook after my ex said she lost them: they were not lost, but were sure as hell gone forever to me.

2. You may just be desperate/lonely

The longer you are single or abstinent (ha! abstinent – what is this, 8th grade?), the better your ex’s start to look. You remember the sex to be better than it was, and you remember the problems to be easier to get over than they are. Just because you listen to your Adele cd 21 on repeat doesn’t mean you miss them, it means you miss someone and something. You just want to feel something again. But 99% of the time, they aren’t the answer. So suck it up and keep doing your own thing until something fresh comes along.

3. You sort of have an obligation now

When you get back into an old relationship, you are giving false hope to the one who already had their heart broken. Do you really want to build up someone’s hopes and dreams again just to potentially have to shatter their heart in a month or so? It’s just not fair. You don’t need to put anyone through that. Clean breaks are the hardest, but also end up being the best for both parties.

4. You always start at different emotional levels

Chances are one of you is way farther in the recovery stage than the other. When you first start out in a relationship, you both are in new pain and progress with similar emotional time frames. But what has changed since you broke up? Who have you each slept with? What kind of relationships have you both been with since each other? Maybe one of you still sleeps with your tshirt from two years ago, while you’ve been giving someone else your tshirt to sleep in.

5. The break-up plagues the back of your mind

You broke up, remember? Of course you remember. That’s all you thought about for weeks or months, depending on how long you dated. You most likely pouted around for a bit, or you went and slept with a bunch of people. Grieving happens in different ways! (No judgements.) Either way, when you get back together, the break up will always be there. It happened and you won’t forget about it. So it’s almost like you can see the doomsday, but you just don’t know when. It’s hard to come back from that. I still think about the last kiss from my ex. I can tell you the date, time, and place. Even if we got back together, I would just be counting the days to our next last kiss.

6. You just keep growing your baggage

The longer you toy with this not so brilliant idea of getting into something you shouldn’t (AGAIN), the more baggage you are acquiring. When you eventually move on, you have to add it to your dating resume. You resume bullet will say “Got back together with ex. Willingly walked into an additional 3 month emotional roller-coaster because I’m a dumbass and don’t listen to my friends.” Good luck with that.

Life has no guarantees. And sure, you have a slim chance at working it through with your ex. But make sure you think about why it ended, and how it ended. Can you come back from that? Will it ever be the same? I’m no Miss Cleo, so I can’t tell you the future. But what I can tell you is that you should move on. I always prefer fresh food to leftovers.

Good luck!