10 Things Guys Do When Online Dating That Guarantee Failure

3. Posting a lot of photos of you in groups.

Updated 11 years ago, May 23, 2014

1. Thinking any girl on a dating site is desperate for the ‘D’.

No, those girls are on an entirely different site altogether. If you repeatedly send pics of your junk or keep spamming them with a dressed up offer for what would be – let’s be honest – a regrettable hookup, you will not only look like a tool, but run the risk of getting banned. Good luck with that.

2. Not posting your best, most recent photo or not posting a photo at all.

If you don’t know that your headshot looks like a mugshot, then assume it does and take a new one. If you continue to use said photo or even post no photo thinking someone will be drawn to your charismatic personality – sorry, but that show “Catfish” ruined it for you. Until the first meeting, everyone thinks everyone else is either a fat bald guy, a single mom with eight kids or, judging by your mugshot, an ex-con.

3. Posting a lot of photos of you in groups.

You with your crossfit class, the Spartan race cadre, or even crowd shot of you and your friends at a rave or wine tasting bash – yeah, we get it, you like to hang with your friends and have fun. We will automatically assume you are the ugly guy or ask for a picture and hope you are one of the hot guys next to you. Most of the time, we just cruise over your profile because you’ve already made it too much work.

4. Your About Me section should not be a novella, nor should it be “Just Ask.”

Stop borrowing quotes from movies and trying to sell yourself as “Your Future Ex Boyfriend.” It’s cute, but tired. Instead of your bio telling everyone how funny, smart and interesting, why not just write a funny, smart and interesting bio? Because girls know a sales pitch when they see it. And unless it’s attached to a pretty face and muscular torso, it’s not getting much attention other than a single click to check it out after your initial “Hi” message that will get ignored.

5. Asking for photos.

We know what photos you are asking for and those are typically not on the table until way later. I’m talking about if-you-make-it-to-a-relationship later, not, like five minutes after the first request.

6. Writing a one-size fits all form letter and copy-pasting it into a new message to a few debatably lucky girls.

We’re not dumb. We know you didn’t read our profile because if you did, you might have seen the part requesting to please include something in our profile you found interesting so we know you 1) read it and 2) are not a bot.

7. Saying, “Hi,” “How’s your day?” or “What’s up, sexy?” in your initial message … and then repeating it several times when you continue to get no response.

If we didn’t write you back after the first message, we’re probably not going to write you back at all. And now that there is a page and a half of you sending the same message over and over again, you’ve pretty much justified our initial impulse to ignore your first message because you are now a creep.

8. Why are guys lying about their age now?

Then you act shocked when you show up looking old enough to be our grandpa or young enough to be our son and we’re disappointed and pissed we wasted time getting dolled up for a catfish. You can’t lie in person, so don’t lie online. Even if people tell you that you look at least ten years younger, they’re lying to be nice. Assume you look your age and act it.

9. Be realistic about your body type.

Just because you play sports or just started a workout plan at the gym, that doesn’t mean you are athletic and fit. If you’re not toned and muscular, you probably are not athletic and fit. If your photos show you to have a muffintop, you are not athletic and fit. We know you clicked that option so that you come up in the search fields of chicks looking for their d-bag Adonis. Those are the girls who aren’t going to message you or reply, btw.