5 Things You Should Never Say To A Person With Depression

“Don’t even talk about it on social media. It’s annoying.”

Updated 11 years ago, May 8, 2014

I am not a psychologist, but I do know there have been nights when I preferred to sleep…forever and I have experienced days where waking up feels a lot like a nightmare. I tried to be transparent about how dark my insides were, but no matter how much I wanted to be saved from the culprit named depression that almost took me away, nobody has ever succeeded to make me feel less alone. Unfortunately, these words only make it worse:

1. “Why?”

Contemplating all the reasons why you’re depressed would only make you feel even more depressed because depress often has no reason at all; it just occurs. And if you try to search for answers to all the whys, you’ll only feel all the more mired in your problems.

2. “Don’t even talk about it on social media. It’s annoying.”

Yes, it may be annoying but come on! People with depression are always on the edge of losing bars to hold and they are always torn between thinking that bottling it up might fix the situation, and talking about it because they hope that someone out there might save them. Let them do what they prefer to do if they think it would make them feel lighter. Let them post, tweet, or blog about it because perhaps it’s their way of eliminating some baggage. Don’t ever think they are trying to catch attention, it’s better to think they are trying to survive. At the end of the day, they are the ones who can be held accountable for what they post online.

3. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

No matter how positively it sounds, people with depression aren’t going to feel any better just because someone’s assuring them that later on the sun will shine brighter. It’s cruel to reassure them about a future that you can’t guarantee. For once, allow them to feel bad because that’s the nature of that feeling. Cliché as it may sound, the truth is it is really okay to not be okay sometimes. Let them feel the depth to whatever it is they’re feeling, so that they actually do feel the difference when the sun finally shines brighter after all that gloom.

4. “Do this. Do that. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.”

To tell you the truth, people with depression often do not care how you managed to survive. Of course, they want to survive, too, but don’t make them feel like it’s so easy to deal with what they are dealing right now. There’s no standard strategy to surpass it.

5. “I am sorry for how you feel.”

Tell me, when did feeling sorry for someone who’s drowning in depression help that particular person? If they’re already down, they’ll take a mile when you give them an inch; rather, say that you’re there for them. It’s gentler, it’s kinder, and it’s much more supportive than offering an empty apology. After all, this isn’t your fault, so don’t guilt them, too.