21 Things You Do In Your Late 20s That Teenage You Could Not Even Deal With

1. You wake up on Saturday morning (at 7:30am) and check Instagram, only to find that the only pictures posted are of your friend’s baby eating her morning cereal and a video of your younger cousin doing karaoke at 2am while she spills vodka cranberry on her bodycon dress.

2. You wake up at 7:30am ON A SATURDAY.

3. You say this sentence frequently: “I’d rather get a good night’s sleep and hit the Farmer’s Market in the morning than wake up with a hangover!”

4. You talk about the younger generation as if completely oblivious to the fact that you are still a fucking part of the younger generation.

5. You get asked, “When are you going to have kids?” more often than, “What are you doing Friday night?”

6. You tweet about reading at home on a Saturday night and condition it by adding “#wildnight” just so people are aware that you’re aware that your night is the exact opposite of wild.

7. You actually have no fucking clue what this next generation is doing with their lives.

8. You lose all sense of perspective because, two years earlier, you had no fucking clue what you (and your generation) was doing with their lives.

9. You realize you still have no fucking clue what you’re doing with your life, but at least you own furniture and dishes with corresponding pack-’n-go lids.

10. You measure your sense of adulthood on whether or not you have dishes with corresponding lids, as if anyone gives a flying shit about your dishes.

11. Speaking of dishes with lids, you make quinoa.

12. You eat things based on whether or not they won’t immediately give you diarrhea. (Unless it’s kale, then good luck with that.)

13. You have said any variation on this sentence: “This is what the kids are ______ these days?” (With zero irony.)

14. You get back to your childhood roots and start reading for pleasure again, frequently declaring that this younger generation doesn’t read anymore, all the while completely forgetting that you just started reading again.

15. You’re a total hypocrite and that’s okay.

16. You actually, for real feel like a pervert for liking One Direction.

17. You mock the younger generation, but if anyone (and I mean, ANYONE) cards you for alcohol, you’re like the most excited you’ve ever been.

18. You start using eye cream and flossing regularly and have some sort of nightly routine that involves basic shit like taking care of your skin and teeth.

19. You’ll Instagram a picture of your finished laundry and caption it with something self-deprecating about being an adult.

20. An hour later, you’ll Instagram a picture of your gigantic glass of wine and the TV paused on the opening credits of Frozen and caption it with something self-deprecating about being a quote unquote “adult.”

21. At different points in your day/life, you are both proud of and horrified of your lack of adult-like tendencies. You simultaneously like being an adult and also loathe being an adult and it’s very confusing so you might as well just forget it and grab another glass of wine and call it a #wildnight.

Sound about right? Then read this collection of smart essays on life as a 20-something.