10 Ways Smartphones Have Completely Ruined Our Lives

5. You drop them and then you cry

Updated 11 years ago, April 6, 2014

As much as I hate them, it would be incongruous to argue that cell phones have contributed nothing to our lives. You can make funny videos and capture life’s great moments on the spot. You can create photo albums, write emails and play games that get you to stop thinking about things when you are sad. In addition, they provide instantaneous travel information, entertainment, and things to make even the most monotonous of people believe they are renaissance artists with the press of an effect on Instagram. Best of all, you can use restroom time as “who’s my next target” time by flicking your thumb left and right. I personally haven’t found too much success on that app whose name I will not validate with these brilliant hands, but the point remains.

Although these devices add entertainment to our days, in the long run I think they hurt our quality of life. In the material sense, there is no debate that they improve life—you can make more money with a phone than without one, you can stay in touch with more people, stay up with current events. Below are some detrimental spillover costs, which despite not being able to be seen directly for the most part, overall counteract the benefits of carrying around these soul-devouring pests. Cell phones, iPhones specifically, convolute our lives more than they improve them.

1. You can’t be where you are

One of the key aspects of inner peace is the ability to teach your mind to stay where you are. If you are in your office, your mind should be at the office. Your mind should not be carrying you over to the hot girl on Instagram whose always in Southern France in a bikini (does she ever work, by the way?). Another irksome situation develops when you’re out one night, having a good time up until you discover that your other friends, at some other place, are also having a good time. Say hello to jealousy and FOMO! The mind craves to be in two places at once—which is impossible, yet the insane mind addicted to 21^st century gadgets seems to think it’s not.

2. People don’t pay attention

You choose to unveil your feelings about something deep, hoping to elevate the mundane level of the current conversation. Awaiting your reply, you see that your conversation partner is miles away, sucked in by some dumbass pictures on whatever the latest deplorable app is. Listen—I’m your friend, and we’re here, trying to bond underneath the mutilating struggle that is life. Can we all accept that none of us are doing things that important on the phone, and to save stare-into-phone-act-important times for when we’re actually alone?

3. Charger woes

At least two to three times a week, when my guests arrive at my apartment, it starts like this: “Oh my god! Do you have an iPhone 5 charger? Please, tell me you have an iPhone 5 charger.” Judging by their facial expression, it would seem as though me not having a charger would entail their slow death by starvation. Yes, I have a charger. Relax.

4. Texting has ruined interactions

Via texting, people have turned dumber than toddlers. We, 21^st century humans who pride ourselves on intelligence, place mating and procreation—the future of our existence—on the basis of who knows how to write seductive text messages, and if you’ve really hit the jackpot, maybe even emogi icons.

Read that over again.

5. You drop them and you cry

A cell phone is just another thing that you get attached to, and all attachment will eventually bring you down. It’s very simple. They drop, they crack, you get sad, wonder why you suck, spend money, you drop them again. Buy a new phone, drop it again, talk about it, etc.

6. People always have access to you

You’re having a great time, and some asshole texts you about something you’re just not trying to deal with. You can do what I do—press the lock button, put it back in your pocket and act like it never happened—but it’ll get back to you. You’ll bump into the person whose message you just ignored, for example. Now you’re the asshole, but you technically didn’t do anything wrong!

7. Group texts

Am I the only one who finds these very annoying? I’m not. Right. So why do they happen?

8. Car accidents

Unlike the previous points which revolve mainly on my pontificating egocentrism, this one is actually a fact. After running a Google search I found the estimate to be 1.6 million text-related auto accidents per year. Now, that’s definitely a lie, but however many it is, it’s still too many. Shit, I’ve almost gotten in a few of them myself. And if not car accidents, the traffic! If you notice that when a light turns green in LA, it takes people a minimum three seconds to actually start gassing. 9 out of 10 times it’s because these people are staring at the phone instead of the road.

9. Something very bad is going to happen to all of us…

I might have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to science, but I can’t imagine keeping this radioactive device next to my balls and head all day is going to cure my future illnesses. I try to take it out of my pocket for as long as I can, so it’s not next to my sacred realm, but what happens is whenever I take it out that’s exactly when work calls storm in, because sometimes life is that way.