36 Unbelievably Enraging Double Standards You Won’t Believe Exist

1. Where’s my money?

That my employer expects me to flawlessly come into work on time every day with no excuses allowed, yet our paychecks being late are met with rationalizations and excuses from the payroll department.

2. Treat me right, you understand?

I worked as a programmer for a small company that designed, developed, and built electrical test equipment.

I was a salaried employee. That meant that I got no overtime pay. I routinely stayed late, finishing up whatever the project required.

The guys that worked in the assembly area were paid hourly. When five o’clock came around, they got in line at the time clock and punched out.

The (new) manager saw that a couple of the salaried employees (myself included) were coming in five or ten minutes late sometimes. He instituted his new policy: Anyone more that six minutes late (a tenth of an hour) would be given a “demerit”, three times in a month and you got a day off without pay.

The next day, I started standing in line with the hourly guys, waiting at the time clock. The manager noticed and asked what I was doing. I told him that if I was going to be treated like an hourly employee, I was going to act like one too.

When his manager noticed what happened, the new policy was rescinded.

3. Scumbag company

Company won’t give you a reference when you leave, just your dates of employment and job title.

Same company won’t hire you without a reference.

4. Hypocrite dad

My dad called my sister a slut for moving in with her boyfriend of 2 years.

He moved in with my new step mom after knowing her for a whopping 5 months.

5. I just want to paint

“Money is not important as long as you do what you love, but if you don’t go to a nice college then get a white collar job, you’re a failure.”

6. Fuck you, politicians

The many laws the US Congress passes that they exempt themselves from.

7. I’m a real person, I’m a real man, I think

The REAL woman/ REAL man shit.

8. GTFO NOW

Boys at my school are allowed to wear any form of swimwear they see fit – even if it’s incredibly inappropriate. Most of the teachers are male, too. Once on a field trip, the entire class was given the chance to dive into this natural mud bath that exfoliates your skin or whatever. High schoolers being high schoolers, a mud fight ensued. Everyone was covered from head to foot.

Luckily, there was a pond on the hike back that we stopped at. Some people, like me, had on swimsuits under their clothes (because sweat), but most didn’t. Boys stripped down to their boxers and jumped on in. Of course, the girls were allowed to do no such thing, but since we were covered in mud and it was noon in Guiyang, we jumped in fully clothed.

I ducked under the water and lifted my shirt in front of me (not like, off, but just stretched out so you could see my stomach) to shake the mud off, and suddenly I hear a thundering voice: “GET OUT OF THE WATER NOW.”

After the lecture about how inappropriate my behavior was, my classmates treated me like the plague. It was a fun trip. That, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the worst double standards I can think of that has actually happened to me.

9. Fuck work! Fuck school!

I am expected to give a two week’s notice before I leave my job, but my employer could fire me whenever he darn well feels like it.

By extension, I am required to show up to class in order to get a good grade and give a good reason if I can’t be there. Yet I have driven an hour (I’m a commuter student), walked into class, and waited for fifteen minutes before some knuckle dragger walks in carrying a note saying my class is cancelled. No e-mail, no warning, no anything from the teacher.

10. BOI, YO BOOTY IS FLY

WHY CAN’T A HETEROSEXUAL GUY TELL A HETEROSEXUAL GUY THAT HE THINKS THAT HIS BOOTY IS FLY? NOT ALL THE TIME, OBVIOUSLY, JUST WHEN HE’S HAVING PROBLEMS WITH HIS SELF ESTEEM.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwFPJ2AWrEU&w=584&h=390%5D

11. Honestly, old people, just stop – I told you Reagan, Bush, and Clinton fucked us

Definitely not the worst, but one that is super annoying. People of my generation (millennials) being called lazy and financially irresponsible when it is extremely difficult to find jobs (even after college) in an economic environment created by the financial irresponsibility of the generations above us.

12. Don’t they have a key?

I get home, I have to unlock the door for myself.

When family comes home, they rage at the door until I walk over there and open it.

I’m the youngest in the family.

13. Yeah, what is this

American media & society: Sex is bad you shouldn’t do it! What, you’re 16 and you haven’t had sex?! Btw you should wait to you’re marry to have sex. Hey, here’s sexual images in every single fucking commercial on t.v., btw porn’s evil…

14. Same logic people use to say fast food workers are generally lazy and stupid

I work an evening job at a restaurant seven days a week, from seven to eight hours a day (depending on how busy we are). I get home anywhere from 12:30am-1am, go to sleep around 3am, wake up anywhere from 10am-12pm, lounge around do whatever until I have to get to work around 4:30pm.

I constantly get shit about how I am lazy for waking up late, lounging around all day, etc. If the situation were reversed, I worked the same hours, but during the day, people wouldn’t think twice.

15. We’re not fat, but not skinny either

This whole thing where the body empowerment people act like being curvy or fat is the best and being thin is gross. Bitch you can’t say all bodies are beautiful and then be mean to the skinny girls. (Saying this as a non-skinny, slightly overweight person)

16. I have a man crush on Jeff Goldblum

Girl: “She’s hot.” Normal.

Guy: “He’s hot.” Gay.

You can recognize another man’s attractive qualities without wanting to do him.

17. Goddamn minorities ruining my country

My aunt who receives every check the government could possibly hand out but is a mega republican. You see, everyone else who is on disability is scamming the system and running the US into bankruptcy!

18. They’re related to me, you goddamn psycho

A woman goes to the park with kids that aren’t hers, but are still related to her, and it’s okay.

I go to the park with my two little cousins, and the police are called.

19. The rich get a slap on the wrist

The guy who steals $7 from Walmart goes to jail while the guy who steals $70 billion gets away with nothing.

20. 100% true

When I get a curly fry in my regular fries, it’s incredible. When I get a regular fry in my curly fries, they ripped me off.

21. Satisfaction in the end

I went to a fairly large school, 2000 or so kids, and we only had about 5 hall monitors which included during lunch. So you have 2000 kids spread all around the school with only 5 people watching them. Shit is going to happen.

So one day this scrawny kid who gets picked on a lot is getting pushed around and pretty much getting his ass kicked by these four cowboy douchebags (yay Arizona!). I do what I feel any person SHOULD do and step in, being a 6 foot tall freshman in fairly good shape, three of the douchebag brothers back down, but the biggest and douchiest of them all throws a punch. I defend myself, punch back, leads to a fight etc…

Fast forward to the principals office a bit later she’s going on about zero tolerance and how they “Don’t condone violent behavior in any situation” and that I should have gone and found a monitor, and just left the kid to get his face kicked in while I went looking. I explain this to her but it didn’t phase her at all, she just kept going on, when I remember that her son, we’ll call him Kenny, goes to the school. So while she’s ranting about my inappropriate behavior I calmly say “Okay, so if I see Kenny getting the shit beat out of him I’ll just say ‘Sorry, your mom says I can’t help you’ and leave him”.

That hit her hard and she gets totally furious, screaming her head off. One of our vice principals has to come in and calm her down. I still got punished but it was worth it seeing this woman’s faith in her precious zero tolerance bullshit shatter around her.

22. Nerdin’ out

Me spending $300 to go to a sci fi convention to hang out with my friends/meet actors I admire is totally loser and a waste of money, but spending $300 on a weekend of drinking with friends is totally socially acceptable.

23. Wow, this puts things into perspective

18-year-olds go into college and are expected to pick a career to study, and participate in for the rest of our lives. Three months before, they had to ask to go to the bathroom.

24. We call them Man Tears

Woman is supposed to be emotional, but if a guy is emotional he’s weak/sissy.

25. All you get is a shrug

Most of the time when I mention my old girlfriend used to hit me I get a few shrugs and some “that sucks” from people. It hurt, it left bruises, it left an emotional impact, but people just seem to not care.

26. I guarantee you will get a real big hard slap

A woman can tell me to shave my beard but I can’t tell her to shave her moustache.

27. They’re really both deadbeats

From what I’ve heard from my girl friends, a female who expects to be supported financially is accepted as the norm and expected. A male who expects to be supported financially is a loser/deadbeat/gigolo ect.

28. I’ve been called slurs by old people

“Respect your elders.” (Some) elders give young people zero respect in return.

29. It’s only because people who say that suck at video games

Playing video games for a few hours a day is wasting your time, watching TV for a few hours a day is relaxing.

30. Get a prenup, headache-free divorce under the eyes of God

Christians who have been divorced multiple times telling me I’m going to hell for listening to heavy metal or playing Dungeons and Dragons.

31. I-it’s for my g-girlfriend, I swear

Woman buys a sex toy: “You go, you don’t need a man you’re liberated!”

Man buys a sex toy: “Jesus what’s wrong with him, is he some kind of loner?”

32. Slut both ways

If a guy dates a woman twenty years younger than him, she must be a slut.

If a woman dates a guy twenty years younger than her, she must be a slut.

33. Women have to birth your child and their big-ass head, so it kind of evens out in the end, I think

I always hated that a woman can hit a guy and he is expected not to defend himself.

I had a friend whose girlfriend cheated on him, he wanted to talk to her about it and she got so mad that she stabbed him in the stomach with a deer antler. The police officers congratulated him on not hitting her, because he would have gone to jail that night. How is that fucking fair in any way.

My mom threw a 50 gallon fish tank at my dad and busted a 15 pound ceramic angel over his head, and he would have gone to jail if he struck her. Says the officers who were there. He punched a whole into a bathroom door instead.

I just feel like at a certain point, once a woman crosses the line of using weapons on a man, he should have every right to knock her ass out. And he shouldn’t get in trouble for it, because it’s self defense. The social boundaries of men and women are totally knocked down when a girl decides a deer antler is a useful weapon.

34. “Come run with me”

Telling a skinny person to gain weight is fine, but telling a fat person to lose weight isn’t.

35. Oh hell no

My money is our money, but her money is her money.

36. Totally snorted water out of my nose

You build 100 bridges and no one calls you a bridge builder. You fuck one goat and all of a sudden everyone knows you as the goat fucker.

It’s bullshit.