I’m Using Food Stamps To Pay For My Son’s Sex Reassignment Surgery

Look, I’m on food stamps. Now, before you get your panties in a bunch and cry about entitlement and laziness–I should make it clear that I don’t actually need food stamps. I collect welfare and get assistance from the government strictly for ideological reasons. I am a socialist, and I wouldn’t be a very good socialist if I didn’t actively participate in assistance programs.

Food stamps are a very good thing that help a lot of people that desperately need help, but they shouldn’t just be for the people who need them. We all pay taxes, and we should all have equal access to food stamps. This is something that you either agree with, or you’re just not thinking clearly. I’m sorry but it’s true. I’m entitled to food stamps because I did the paperwork to get them, and that’s all that matters.

It really fingers my goose when I hear republicans talk about free markets and limited government, and then they turn right around and try to tell poor people what they can and cannot do with their money. You need to face it–food stamps are not coupons or vouchers that can only be redeemed at specific locations. Food stamps are currency that citizens earn by passively participating in the economy. No one is telling you that you have to spend your cash at the grocery store, what makes you think you can tell me that I can’t spend my food stamps on alcohol or cigarettes? It’s my body, it’s my money, and it’s my choice.

Luckily, attitudes are shifting, and a lot of my fellow food stamp recipients are hopping on board with the movement to spend food stamps on things other than food.

Disneyland is now accepting food stamps for tickets, and every major casino in Las Vegas now allows you to purchase chips and hotel rooms with your EBT card. Soon enough, we’ll be able to buy guns and exercise our second amendment rights without having to “earn” them through a job. That’s what the founding fathers would have wanted–a system where we are not required to work to maintain our rights, as they are God given, and should be protected.

My youngest son, Mason, suffers from gender dysphoria. In layman’s terms, that means he was physically born a boy, but internally he has the identity of a girl. When he was four years old, I noticed that he enjoyed the color pink and would prefer to play with dolls over GI Joes. Instead of trying to correct his behavior, I encouraged it. Just as the government leans in and gives us basic necessities like food stamps, I leaned into my child’s identity and guided him towards his decision to explore his gender.

That guidance is crucial when raising a transgender child. Transgenderism is something that is very confusing even for adults, so as parents, we have to take an active role in helping the child come to terms with who they are. Instead of something like this:

“Why do you play with dolls?”

Try something like this:

“I see you like the dolls. That’s very good. Do you also want to hug and kiss boys? It’s okay if you do.”

Do you see the difference? Here, we’re helping the child find themselves, instead of demanding that they do it on their own. This is a very food-stampy way of parenting, and it really helped my son Mason in his decision to undergo sexual reassignment surgery, which is scheduled for the end of May, just after his sixth birthday.

The best part? I found a doctor that is willing to accept food stamps to cover the costs of the operation. I’m going to be able to pay for my son’s sex change operation, in its entirety, with money that I’ve received from the government. That feels really freaking good. That feels like progress.

But, I’m almost certain some republican hypocrite is going to have some kind of problem with this. “Oh, food stamps should be used for food! You can’t pay for the surgery your son desperately needs with something meant for food!” they’ll say.

My detractors can shove it. The world, like my son’s genitals, are changing, and there’s nothing you can do about it.