25 Things I Don’t Know At 25

1. The plot of Moby Dick.

2. What communications majors are actually taught.

3. How to evade taxes.

4. How septum rings became cool.

5. What the difference is between these two emojis:

And these:

6. Why some people take to changing their main Instagram picture all the time. The photo is so tiny — I can hardly tell the difference.

7. How to wake up like “dis”:

And not like dis:

8. My rising moon.

9. How to pick up guys. Typically I’m in a rush to get back to flirting with my ex-boyfriend.

10. How to drink whiskey correctly.

11. Why you insist on keeping your beard when it looks like a bushel of coarse pubes.

12. Why people still have faith in the “open letter.”

13. What to eat for dinner tonight.

14. How girls with those long, oval-shaped, pointy, fake-looking nails even masturbate?

15. Why I’m still not friends with Rihanna.

16. How to complete a Geometry proof.

17. When #TBT will die.

18. Jared Leto’s natural hair color…

19. Which filter I look the best in. It’s a toss-up between “rise,” “valencia,” and “walden.”

20. How I’m still skinny.

21. Why packs of cats purr outside my bedroom window at night.

22. If you can put plastic in the microwave.

23. How to like kale.

24. How to add fractions.

25. If I’ll ever join a gym again…