14 Words We Need To Retire Right Now

1. Twerk

Are you even surprised this word is number one? I almost didn’t even put it on the list, because I’m pretty sure we all know it needs to die.

(Unless you can, in fact, twerk, in which case, show me how, please?)

2. Kale

I like kale. Okay? I said it. I like it. I eat kale salads. I make soups with kale in them. One time, I even made kale chips. (Sadly, they weren’t that great.) But the kale-craze is getting a little out of hand. Every salad MUST have kale in it. Every menu MUST have kale on it. Quick question: If you Instagram your meal and it does not feature kale in it, did you eat your meal at all?

3. Juice Cleanse (Also see: juicing)

If I read one more Facebook post about how someone is doing “great” on day 3 of their “super amazing juice cleanse”, I’m gonna lose my mind. There is practically nothing that is super amazing about a juice cleanse. And the verb of juicing — and the Instagrams of people blending their carrots and spinach. Whatever happened to a nice vegetable platter? Is a salad too much to ask for? (As long as it’s not kale.)

4. Slut-Shame

The word and the practice should be tossed in the dumpster.

5. Twittersphere, Tweeples, Tweeties, etc.

We understand that Twitter is a vital part of your life. We also understand that you may have grown fond of your followers. Having someone favorite your tweet is like having someone say, “Yep,” right along with whatever you just said. And retweets? Those are confidence boosters, aren’t they? But we need to stop addressing Twitter as an entire universe, and the people using the social media outlet as their own race of people. I use Twitter, but if you call me a “Tweetie-Pie”? All bets are off.

6. Obamacare

Unless the Affordable Care Act involves one of the Obamas physically tending to me on my sickbed, no, it is not Obamacare. It is the Affordable Care Act.

7. ____-pocalypse

Snowpocalypse has been especially popular over the last year, and although Chicago thinks they invented the term during their epic storm last year, I’m pretty sure it was alive well before then. And now it needs to die. Along with any and all other words that begin in one word, and end in -pocalypse.

8. “K”

Ex:
Me — “I just think that he’s not worth your time.”
BFF — “K.”
Me — Oh, hell no.

This simple little letter has become the face of passive aggression lately, and maybe it’s just because when I receive a “K” I want to aggressively combat whoever gave it to me, but this single letter response has got. to. go. “K” me, I dare you.

9. Mommy Blogger

We get it. They have children. And they blog. We do not need a word to conjure up anything more than this.

10. Gluten Free

I am truly sorry for all of the gluten intolerant souls in the world, and I understand that Celiac disease is debilitating. For those of you who truly have to avoid gluten, I know that the prevalence of gluten-free goods is helpful. But brands are slapping the term “gluten free” on stuff that never had gluten to begin with, because they think it’s trendy to do so. And it seems like I’m seeing more gluten-free recipes than I am actual recipes these days. And the day I google chocolate cake recipes and a gluten free recipe is the first one that pops up? We have gone too far, guys. Too far. (Side note: I have a really good recipe for GF chocolate chip cookies, if you’re interested…)

11. Amaze

I am convinced that only Shoshanna Shapiro of HBO’s Girls should be allowed to use this word, because it really suits her. The rest of us should just go the extra mile and add that last syllable on. It’s not hard.

12. Biatch

Including, but not limited to: beyotch, biyatch, beotch, betch, and all other forms of this word. Trang Pak was a grotsky little b’yotch in 2004, so I think a decade is a long enough run for such a grotsky little word.

13. #instaeverything

#instagood #instaparty #instajam #instacloset #instaart #instaomg #instastop

I am guilty of a handful of these. And the connotation suggests (with the hashtag, and the use on the lovely app Instagram) that you are referring to Instagram. Instagram Good, though? Does that make sense? Is my party actually an Instagram Party? Or is it just a party being posted to Instagram? These are the questions I lay awake thinking about.

14. _________ is the new black.

Orange is not the new black. Not even classy is the new black. Nothing will ever be the new black, because black is the new black, and it always will be.

(Also, whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disturbed.)