What I Think Happens In Movies I’ve Never Seen

A guy runs around while holding knives, which is very dangerous and exciting.

Updated 7 months ago, May 7, 2024

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 11.44.39 AM — You’ve Got Mail

You’ve Got Mail

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks both live in New York City and run bookstores, but Tom Hanks is a big-time corporate bookstore owner while Meg Ryan owns an independent one. They do not like each other. Using new, high-tech AOL instant messaging, the two strike up an online relationship without knowing each other’s true identities.

Tom Hanks knows who she really is (maybe?) and they keep messaging but don’t meet up (I guess?). Then at the end they fall in love even though they are bookstore competitors or something.

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 11.46.15 AM — Mrs. Doubtfire

Mrs. Doubtfire

Robin Williams is a divorced father of three or four kids (one of which probably became famous later on, but the rest were played by unknown child actors). His ex-wife, Sally Field, doesn’t trust him with the kids or won’t let him spend time with them (because he was an absent father when they were married?).

In order to spend time with his children, Robin Williams decides to masquerade himself as a maid. There is one scene in which he lights his bosom on fire and there is also probably some type of musical montage where he is bad at doing household chores. The children eventually find out the maid is their father and Sally Field is touched by how much trouble Robin Williams went through to be with their kids. He is granted visitation rights.

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 11.47.39 AM — Gone With The Wind

Gone With the Wind

Set in the early 1900s, this film centers on wealthy white people in the American south. One of the characters is named Scarlett O’Hara and the film centers on her many suitors and the process of choosing a husband. One suitor is an older, rich gentleman played by Clark Gable. She doesn’t like him at first because he is snotty but then they fall in love, but then something happens where they can’t be together. Maybe she gets married to someone else, and then Clark Gable comes back and is mad and says he “doesn’t give a damn.” There are other characters in the film, of varying importance.

I remember in Mad Men there’s a scene where Betty tells Sally she can’t go horseback riding because she doesn’t want to end up like the girl in Gone With the Wind. So, I assume someone falls off of a horse or gets killed by one.

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 11.49.46 AM — The Shawshank Redemption

The Shawshank Redemption

Morgan Freeman narrates this film about being in prison and trying to escape. His fellow inmate, Jack Nicholson, has concocted a plan to get them out, but it comes at a cost. Morgan Freeman pays the cost and is free, but he has a very guilty conscious. He winds up back in jail and then Jack Nicholson is mad because Morgan Freeman didn’t help him escape.

Many of the scenes in this film are shot in the rain with lots of mud. Somebody kills himself with a makeshift shank. Then at the end, the black guy gets killed by Tom Hanks. Oh wait, I think that’s The Green Mile, which may or may not have also been adapted from a Stephen King novel. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure Shawshank is the one that ends with someone on an island by themselves, but I’m not sure if that’s a happy thing or a sad thing.

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 11.50.37 AM — The Goonies

The Goonies/Gremlins

This is a bit tricky, but it is most probable that the “goonies” are the rag tag group of adventuring human youngsters while the “gremlins” are Furby-like creatures that wreak havoc and can only be contained by microwave ovens.

The Goonies centers on 8 to 10 children, varying in age, who adventure in some sort of underworld where there is a pirate ship covered in treasure. They have a goal to accomplish. Along the way they face obstacles. One of the children is overweight and the other children exploit this as a source of humor. Two of the older goonies, one boy and one girl, are attracted to each other and kiss at the end. In Gremlins, some teenagers are responsible for containing an epidemic of unruly gremlins that are mischievous and troublesome. The grown ups in the film do not believe the teenagers, but the teenagers are right.

There is probably an older character who is a scientist/is somehow responsible for the gremlins who helps the teenagers by telling them to microwave the gremlins. The teenagers are successful and no one dies because this is a Disney (?) movie.