8 Things You Will See On Social Media The Day After Halloween

3. No shave November declarations.

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1. Photos of costumed friends & the unique combinations of characters that ran into each other.

Super Mario and Kung Fu Panda were spotted sipping beers and batting the breeze with Disney Princess & Beyoncés. Marilyn Monroe was seen canoodling with Walter White. Some will be random, like those, others will make slightly more sense – like this:

If you listen closely you can hear the sighs of dudes in Thor costumes being stopped every 5ft by a Miley who wants a pic w/ his hammer.

2. Clearance candy bragging.

Somebody got twelve bags of that glorious fall mix filled with actual candy corn and featuring those chewy, candy corn tasting pumpkins for 75% off at Walgreens, and he/she wants the world to know about it. You shouldn’t scroll past it carelessly — having a knack for acquiring discounted sweets ain’t nothin’ to scoff at, people.

3. No shave November declarations.

It’s time to prepare yourself for hair of all sorts to grace many of your male friends’ faces. Everyone who is participating will announce it to their friends and followers, as it’s best to have an explanation for why your face looks like an unkempt lawn. Whether it be a full beard or spotty, blotchy patches, there’ll be plenty of folks treading that oh so fine line between No Shave November and No, Seriously, You Need To Shave Like Right Now November.

4. Christmas talks.

I know Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet, but for Christmas lovers like myself we’ve been anticipating the appropriate time to begin hanging colorful lights from things & playing festive music. This is probably too early in many people’s eyes, but there are only 53 days to take down the cobwebs and put up the mistletoes, so why lollygag? You know what they* say, why hesitate when you can celebrate? Let the constant raving about Christmas until your friends hide you on Facebook & unfollow you on Twitter commence!

*They = me, just right now for the first time ever.

5. Brief recaps of the previous night’s festivities along with a description of their current, not-feeling-so-good state.

I was soooo trashed last night. Danced with a middleaged pumpkin for 45 minutes. Also, I ate seven miniature 3 Musketeers before bed & when I woke up it tasted like a cat shat in my mouth…

6. Hella babies.

People’s sons, people’s daughters, people’s nieces, people’s nephews, people’s baby cousins, people’s neighbor’s babies — there’ll be adorable humans that are less than 5-years-old, wearing miniature sized costumes that are frustratingly cute. Normally you want to HATE baby pictures but look — he’s a tiny lobster. And, she’s a little bunny. Damn you people and your delightful looking kids trying to make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

7. Self-righteous status updates.

They’ll come from the people who didn’t go out Halloween night and want to pat themselves on the back/take shots at others because they didn’t drink or rage last night. They’d like to inform you that they don’t have a hangover because they were responsible… Or didn’t invited to festivities, but still.

8. Next Year’s Halloween Speculation

Next year I’ll just throw my own party because Susan’s smelled like old turkey burgers and she didn’t even have Ciroc there! Next year I’m celebrating Halloween in Vegas because (INSERT SMALL CITY NAME HERE) doesn’t know how to party! Next year I’m going to be a mummy made out of CVS receipts! Next year Halloween falls on a Friday so it’s going to be epic! Next year, NEXT year, NEXT YEAR! TC Mark