10 Everyday Issues Only Femme Lesbians Will Understand

1. The “you’re too pretty to be gay!” Actually, I’ve gotten the following: “but you look so normal! And you’ve dated guys! This is just a phase sweetheart don’t worry you’ll be okay after it passes.”

2. Having everybody just assume they know what your sexuality is because of what you look like. So you essentially have to come out every other day to every other person you meet. As if the process of coming out isn’t painful enough, let’s have to live through it again and again and again.

3. If you aren’t really forward about your sexuality, you become a “wallflower femme.” I have actually been called this on numerous occasions at this point.

4. As hard as this one is to believe, people actually question or doubt your sincerity. They think you’re just looking to have more sex as bisexuals are often accused of or I don’t even know what, but it’s just ridiculous like yes, I did decide I would tell the world I’m a lesbian when I’m not and make things inexplicably harder for myself. You got me.

5. You have to explain the dynamics of gender identity and performance and how it relates to sexuality on a regular basis; usually to people who have never heard those terms before.

6. Your parents start thinking every friend you have is your girlfriend/lover. (Rationale: well, I didn’t know you were gay, so you all probably are!)

7. It’s just harder to pick up girls without them thinking you’re just another friendly straight girl who got a little too drunk. It’s also very rare that you can take a passive role in the whole dating/courting process, especially initially. But I mean, ladies, if you’d like to change my mind on this one, go ahead.

8. If you aren’t completely on one end of the spectrum (you’ve dated men and such) it’s as though you are somehow considered less of a lesbian to some people in a certain way that people who are more masculine looking are not.

9. People assume that you take the “feminine” role in the relationship– even sometimes the person you’re dating. At it’s worst, it’s almost as though the feminine gender role is still being enforced in arguably the most unconventional way possible.

10. Your sexuality becomes entertainment. In response to finding out that you’re gay, men will say things along the lines of “that’s so hot.” “I love lesbian porn.” “Ooh would you wanna do shit and let me watch?” “Omg I would love to do a threesome with two lesbians.” I’m just so off-put by those comments. This is my life, not some fantasy I’m acting out for your pleasure.