I’m Kinda The Joan Rivers Of My Group Of Friends

Ever since I was a child I knew that a regular job wasn’t for me. Not only did it not seem appealing, but my family has money, so for me to work in this economy would just mean I was taking employment away from someone who needs it more.

I’m a millennial. I’m a creative type. I’m just like you, and I think the number one problem we face as creative millennials is trying to figure out what kind of creative type we are. More specifically, identifying your creativity type, or typing your creativity, creating your type, or type-creating your milleniation. If that makes any sense.

I’ve always felt like an artist, but I could never find my art. It’s poetic really, but not poetic enough to be actual poetry, which I am not good at. I can’t draw, I can’t sing or dance. I don’t want to even attempt ceramics because that clay shit is gross and I’m not wearing overalls like some kind of fucking dyke. I want to express myself, and I have a lot to express, but no way to express it. This is the struggle of my generation.

One day, while looking over community college classes for bead making and crocheting, I scanned over some entertainment headlines, and instinctually cracked a joke on Facebook about bad plastic surgery. I then went right back to moping about the course catalog, desperately trying to find myself. Meanwhile, a little red ’1′ popped up on my notifications feed. Then, it became a ’2′. Then a ’3′.

Within an hour, I had accumulated 78 ‘likes’ for that one joke. In an hour, I had become relatively ‘famous,’ or as famous as you can get online these days.

“Oh my God,” I mouthed to myself. “This is my art! I’m a comedienne!”

I realized that sometimes art is just being a snarky, sassy babe. As long as people are liking or favoriting (or in some instances, RTing or sharing) you’re an artist, and in my case, I’m also a comedy writer. I’m sort of like a cyber Joan Rivers among my friends.

Now, whenever there’s any kind of celebrity goof off or mess up, I’m one of the first people on the scene. Just today Stevie Wonder criticized Marvin Gaye’s family for securing inadequate council in their attempt to sue the creators of Blurred Lines for aping the late crooner’s tune, ‘Got To Give It Up.’

Then I hit them with this gem:

Now, I just sit back and watch the favs roll in. Sure, I’m a couple of months away from a TV deal, and it’s not really profitable at this point, but people are consuming my art, and it doesn’t matter if I’m not quite monetizing it yet. People really love what I do and I’m important.

While Joan is obviously the master, what sets me apart is my ability to stay on top of teen celebrities that she might not be familiar with. I’m kinda like the Lena Dunham of teen stuff. Im more in touch with youth. Check out these burns:

But, just because I’ve got my finger on the pulse in terms of teen culture doesn’t mean I miss out on the big picture. What kind of social commenter would I be if I didn’t throw some shade on the biggest television event of the year – the Emmies!!!

Just nailing all of them, like the Queen of Mean herself. While I love Joan and obviously have been influenced by her, my biggest complaint is that she rarely does any sort of political coverage. In a lot of ways I feel like this is due to her intelligence. While Joan is funny, she’s not really what you would call an intellectual. I feel that I am, and this is reflected in some of my Daily Show-esque political humor:

I have to be honest with you guys – I’m pretty freaking happy these days. I’ve found myself, I’ve found my art, and I’ve finally made it. Sure, there’s a long journey ahead, but at least now I’m putting the ‘creative’ in ‘creative type’, rather than typing a bunch about being creative.

Keep an eye out for me on twitter.com, where I can be seen tearing up celebs and politicians regularly.