15 Haikus For First World Problems
1. Late to work again
because coffee and bagel
Food over success
2. On Brooklyn subway
everyone in sunglasses
Why do they need them?
3. Wrote a new rent check
Refuse to check bank account
Denial is bliss
4. Five Facebook invites!
On second look, they are all
club promos–so sad
5. Man stops me on street
Flattered, but as it turns out
I’d dropped a tampon
6. Hit snooze thirty times
Muster thoughts of purpose but–
Sleep higher than all
7. Yoga instructor:
“Make your shoulders butterflies.”
Don’t know what that means
8. Up all night because
bass blasting outside–Oh, so,
that’s why the cheap rent
9. I can eat salad
while walking, while texting, while
waving–CRAP! Or not.
10. Slightly dread haircut–
stylist just points out damage
then blows heat in eyes.
11. Chatting with dentist
Relationship built on lies.
She sees through them all.
12. Sitting for eight hours
Hard because feet don’t touch ground
Short person problems
13. “Can’t talk, too busy”
In reality, all tabs
are animal gifs
14. Orange Is The New Black
Think of my prison nickname
Wait, that’s messed up though
15. Cosmopolitan:
“Crop tops are back in action”
That’s unfortunate 
