Unpopular Opinion: Gimme More Blurred Lines

Since the debut of Robin Thicke’s infamously erotic Blurred Lines song and video earlier this summer, there has been mass amounts of media attention and a resounding feminist backlash. Blurred Lines has spawned cheeky parodies, essays galore, and late-night attention of Weiner proportions. The song itself may have managed to slip under the radar of feminists…until THAT video. It could not be ignored.


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwT6DZCQi9k&w=584&h=390]

The charges: Robin Thicke et al. are promoting objectification, misogyny, and potentially dangerous and pre-rape-y attitudes toward women.  WE CAN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. HE’S THE WORST.


Welp. I’m gonna go ahead and continue to consume the Blurred Lines video like candy. I cannot get enough! Why?


1. Boobs.



Everything else aside: there are a lot of nice knockers in this video, and everyone likes nice knockers. These are particularly bouncy! Boobs, boobs, boobs.


Some have argued that the video portrays an unrealistic image of the female body. It is true that the “dancers” are all quite svelte and objectively hot outliers when considering the average female body. It may have been nice for Thicke to throw us some normal-sized ladybits, but regardless, boobs are boobs. Insert some DDs and a rounder waist and we’d still be alllll over it. Equal opportunity boobs. I’ll happily gaze at all of them. Also, the “Blurred Lines” art director has put a nice Instagram-y filter over the whole damn thing, so we get BOOBS with a pleasant ‘Earlybird’ or perhaps ‘Walden’ tone. Those butts are pretty rad too.


And hey – I mean, just go look at those boobs again closely.

2. Let’s be serious.



Y’all are giving Thicke too much credit for being a gigolo. The video watches as clear satire. The blatant Barbie-ness, the creeptastic side-eye. It’s a farce. This video was clearly intended to be over-the-top and ridiculous, like when they try to make it look like Grumpy Cat is eating birthday cake in a party hat. Absurd.


It is borderline Dick-In-the-Box, with hashtags.


Objectification in this video comes off as silly and superlative; it doesn’t feel real. The operationalization of the nudity itself makes it all the more obvious that it’s an attempt at exaggeration. Green Acres-esque visuals enhance the level of ludicrousness –  girls in white tennis shoes holding baby farm animals and playing the banjo. Pharrell nonchalantly chewing on a piece of grass. How idyllic, really.

3. And on Objectification.

Here’s the part where you’re really going to hate me: Sometimes it feels good to be objectified. The vast majority of us ladies have weathered a minimum of at least 1 or 2 awkward years, which are legit hell for any pre-teen or teen girl. My own awkward years manifested like Hurricane Sandy and just squatted over my life for the general duration, but hey.


Anyone who has felt unattractive at a given point can appreciate feeling attractive. Granted, there is a line between feeling that a man views you as attractive, and feeling that a man views you as a scantily-dressed hamburger, but it’s a goddamn continuum. Some of us enjoy those hamburger moments, and YOU CAN’T TAKE AWAY MY HAMBURGER.


No sane human will argue that Thicke is any sort of feminist, but I wholeheartedly admit that being viewed as a sex object can sometimes provide a feeling of confidence, and a sense of control. In my extensive playgirl experience (cough), dudes are pretty powerless when they are adoring on you, physically or mentally. You might as well exploit both.


(I anticipate your wrath and pity comments.)

4. The lyrics are good clean fun!

Really, the song is a living Norman Rockwell painting with lipstick stains and expensive champagne. T.I. wants to take us to Malibu and Paris! Doesn’t that sound fun?  I would like to go to Paris with T.I. We would stand at the top of the Eiffel Tower and clench bodies, a la Leo/Kate in Titanic. I hope he wears his cute glasses.


And Robin Thicke wants to smoke his primo Jamaican weed with us! He says it always works, from Dakota to Decatur. I don’t fully understand why he’s spending so much time in either one of those places, but it doesn’t matter! Robin Thicke’s drugs!


There has been some pushback on a few lyrics, specifically, “You know you want it,” as being pre-rape. In context of the song, this phrase in particular rings as teasing, admiring, hopeful (and see above: ridiculous). The phrase “you know you want it” does not have to inherently be about forced sex or dominance. Consider the myriad of consensual situations wherein this phrase is used as foreplay:


Wendy’s Cashier: You know you want a side of fries with that Frosty.
Me (coyly): Oh, do I?
Wendy’s Cashier: You know you want it.
Me: OMG GIVE IT TO ME


Lyrics aside, the song has a fabulous hook, certainly encouraging bra-less living room dancing across the entire planet at this very instant. That beat feels good.

5). Pharrell is babesauce.

A quick word or two must be devoted to the sheer hotness of Mr. P. That fella is just so singularly cute, it could carry the entire video for me. Put Pharrell in a space suit and let him do his thing anytime. It will get views.

6). Boobs.



By taking this video seriously, we are giving it too much power. Do I think Robin Thicke is actually empowering women? Heck no. Just a dumbass, stirring the pot while simultaneously trying to poke a little fun at his narcissism.  Didn’t the mylar balloons spelling out “Robin Thicke has a big dick” tip you off?  Please laugh at those boys with me. Roll your eyes, tune them out, and go back to admiring the perfect nipple placement.