I Don’t Want To Know

I hope you take the long way to get to work so you can pass by my apartment. Catch me taking out the trash or taking Maddie for a walk. And when my presence or the sight of me is absent, you gently sigh and hope the next day will be different. A different surprise.

I hope that you go through my Facebook and see what I’ve been up to—where did I go last night, who are my friends, what did I do on the 4^th of July. Or you click through my profile pictures and form a coy smile looking at the screen in front of you, matching the one in the photo, wishing I was sitting next to you right now.

I hope that when you go to bed at night you wish that I were curled up next to you. You sleep all the way to the right, envisioning my body resting angelically to the left. Even when your roommates are home, you still go to bed at night feeling a little alone in your apartment. Feeling a little emptier.

I hope that I’m the motivation you have to get into shape and eat healthy. You imagine us going to an event together, matching beautifully and standing with complete confidence in your transformed physique. We look perfect. We look happy.

I hope that you envision the day when you get to introduce me to your family. You’ll think of us all sitting down together enjoying an amazing meal and laughing blissfully. For the first time in awhile, things seem right. Things seem like they are supposed to.

I hope that you spend your time researching events in the city that we can attend together. You look up things that you would have never been interested in doing before. You’re open to more possibilities than you would have ever imagined.

I hope that you tell your friends that things are different this time. You haven’t felt this way about anyone else. You don’t even know how to describe it to them either. There isn’t a word or sentence you could say that even slightly describes the emotions you’re feeling right now. You’re always left speechless.

I hope that I never find out if you do any of this. For some reason, there is something so beautiful about the unknown. Not knowing that someone is so unconditionally in love with you. Not knowing that someone is constantly thinking about you keeps you humble. It’s having faith that there is that one person out there doing and thinking these things every day. It’s never just you. Once you trust that love is possible, it will finally glisten through your darkest clouds.