10 Famous Hot Guys I Think Are Ugly

Bradley Cooper, bootleg Matthew McConaughey is what you are.

Updated 11 years ago, July 3, 2013

At the request of a commenter in a previous article, I compiled a list of famously hot guys, and why I do not find them attractive in the least.

Channing Tatum

To say that I was not surprised when I discovered Channing Tatum used to be a stripper would be putting it lightly. He’s got that whole one-more-trip-to-the-gym-and-my-neck-will-be-gone, Chippendales look to him. Listen, I’m a feeble gal and I get tired easily. I don’t just enjoy — I require — that the men I see are able to carry me up my 5-floor walk-up (if need be). But I really think that the fact that Channing Tatum’s face, alone, looks like it could lift 100-pound weights should give anyone pause.

Justin Bieber

Sometimes I play this game with myself where I take a quick gander at Justin Bieber and then another quick gander at Ellen DeGeneres and see if I can tell them apart. More often than not, I lose.

Matthew McConaughey

I have a feeling sarcasm isn’t your specialty, Mr. McConaughey. So, that about does it for me.

Bradley Cooper

I am firmly opposed to the Bradley Cooper craze. At no point in your career, Mr. Cooper, did I ever think you were hot. The closest you came to hot was when you drank another man’s blood in Limitless. Bootleg Matthew McConaughey is what you are.

Paul Walker

Many moons ago, Paul Walker appeared in Pleasantville and then soon after in She’s All That. Then, a zestless imposter going by the same name joined The Fast and The Furious conspiracy to monopolize the world and, to my knowledge, there has been no trace of the real Paul Walker since.

Zac Efron

Amanda Bynes, I fully support you on this one. I imagine the only upside to dating you, Mr. Efron, is that you could teach me how to wear concealer. But still, having to look at your well-coiffed eyebrows all day would not help me in the whole confidence department.

John Mayer

John Mayer has what I like to call Jeremy Piven syndrome, wherein he sleeps with every barely legal girl living in New York City. A side note to Mr. Mayer: I don’t like you in a scarf, I don’t like you in a hat, and I certainly don’t like you in a bandana.

Taylor Lautner

Sometimes it’s fun to think back on all the times someone mentioned the name Taylor Lautner to me and I had to pretend I knew who this was. Then I found out who he was and tried to blind myself.

Jared Leto

It sucks; why oh why, Mr. Leto, do you have to try and destroy every last remnant of the only good thing you had going for you (Jordan Catalano)? My advice? Embrace it. You also started a chlamydia outbreak in my high school, so perhaps I’m biased.