13 Things Men Need To Stop Saying

“My ex is crazy”

Your ex is absolutely not an actual crazy person, and if she is, you should probably think of a kinder way to say it. You are the kind of person who writes off people they used to care deeply about as mentally deficient. It’s not a far leap to assume you were probably an asshole to her and then didn’t like when she had a proportionate reaction.

“I want a girl who takes care of herself/I want a girl who is healthy”

Does not mean this literally. This means “I want a girl who is slender” and not “I would like someone who has gone to therapy and worked through their emotional issues.” All means of taking care of yourself/being healthy are not equal.

“You’re overanalyzing”

I’ve never understood this statement. What does over thinking even mean? Isn’t thinking a good thing? Furthermore, if I have already thought of it telling me I am thinking too much doesn’t make the thought go away. Since we’ve already arrived on this topic, can’t we just talk about it, settle it, and move on?

“I’m just a laid back guy”

If you’ve ever scrolled through men on an online dating site you know that this is the first sentence of every guys profile. Literally every guy. There’s like, four exceptions and they’re all lawyers.

“I don’t have time for a relationship”

Everyone has the same amount of time in a day, but they have different priorities. If you prioritize working a lot and hanging out with your friends at this stage in your life, that’s awesome, stand behind your choices.

“Relationships are too dramatic for me”

This is something men say when they are trying to enter into a friends with benefits type relationship with you. It’s supposedly the best of both worlds because you can get sex and attention without having to do the tedious maintenance of a relationship. In reality, this relationship will be equally dramatic but you just lose your ability to credibly complain about it because you don’t have the “official label” which apparently is a magical prerequisite to getting your feelings hurt.

“But you got me hard”

This is used as a reason you should have sex with someone you were hooking up with when you’ve previously tried to shut it down. That is way icky.

“You look better without makeup”

Most women wear makeup for themselves, or for other women. We want to be attractive to our partners, sure, but we don’t want to be denigrated for something we enjoy or view as necessary.

“I really like you but I’m not in the place to commit to someone right now”

You don’t really like me. And that’s okay. Be real though.

“Oh sorry I was out of town (and couldn’t respond to texts)”

The crazy thing about mobile phones is that they are mobile, they go with you. I guarantee you will have your phone in your pocket for your entire life. Just say “I’m probably going to focus on my friends” and assume the person you are talking to has the emotional intelligence to deal with the truth rather than asking them to suspend the reality that it is extremely unlikely you did not have service/check your phone for an entire weekend.

“I want a girl that doesn’t care about her appearance”

This is a great sentiment, it would be awesome if everyone in the world only thought about their appearance as an after thought. This isn’t what men mean, however. They mean they don’t want to have to deal with insecurities but still want to date someone that is hot. Men cannot tell the difference between a girl who spends a lot of time on her appearance, but chooses a natural look, and what they perceive to be someone who has done zero maintenance.

“I want a girl who will order a burger on a date”

Men are always saying this. Just let someone order what they want, it actually says very little about their personality.

“Hey baby!”

Uttered when walking down the street. Catcalling is so confusing to me. What do you expect to happen? The best case scenario seems to be that I would stop and talk to you but I feel like only a person with low self-esteem would do that since it’s kind of a degrading experience. So, are you trolling for girls with low self-esteem? That’s a bad look, man. If you aren’t trolling for girls with low self-esteem what is your game? Just to assert that you can say shit to girls without repercussions? Stop this now.