How To Get More Blowjobs: A Guide For Guys From A Girl

Want more blowjobs from your main squeeze? Follow these simple steps and sit back and enjoy the results.

Spoiler alert: It’s not that fucking hard

1. Realize you’re dating a girl

The person who you want to receive oral satisfaction from is a flesh and blood woman. She has different parts than you, which is coincidentally one of the reasons you are hoping she felates you. Acknowledge that she doesn’t think the same as you, or feel the same as you. She is a girl, and has and does girly things. She’s not a boy, she’s a girl. Got it? Okay, moving on.

2. Don’t say stupid things

Girls don’t want to hear that their mustache is growing back in or their nose hairs are too long or that they have blackheads. I know you may think you’re doing them a favor by pointing these things out, but trust me, they already know. Believe it or not, the last person they want to hear that from is you. (see no.1)

3. Compliment them, a lot.

And try and use different adjectives besides hot and sexy. Acceptable compliments:

• You’re so cute when you wear your glasses!
• I love it when you put your hair up, you look so regal!
• Have you lost weight? You’re glowing!
• Your new pink cigarette pants make your legs look so long!

4. Don’t talk about other girls

(see no. 2)

5. Buy them treats

Flowers work, or chocolate, or candy, or dinner, or drinks, or clothing, or shoes. When asked why, tuck her hair behind her ear and say Because you deserve it.

6. Don’t tell them you want a blowjob

Rookie mistake. Girls are smart, she’ll figure it out.

I know these things seem too simple, but they really do work! Girls aren’t that complicated, because if you do even ONE thing on this list, your chances of getting your d!ck sucked will double. TWO things and BAM! Welcome to Pleasure Town. So give it a shot. And good luck!