Reviewing Movie Trailers: World War Z, After Earth, White House Down & More

I’m already dreading watching television at night and being greeted by this creepy trailer at every commercial break.

Updated 12 years ago, April 3, 2013

Normally I’d do this vocally in the dimly lit theater, as the previews play before the movie, but lately people have tossing popcorn in my direction — which I initially took as a compliment, but when it was combined with agressive shushing and explicits, I realized they actually hated my guts. Perhaps this is a better platform to share some thoughts and speculation on various trailers. So, here are some of the films coming out in the near future, and a little commentary from yours truly.

World War Z

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EC7P5WdUko%5DMy case against the potential of a zombie apocalypse has always been that there’s no way our military would be overrun by the slow moving, sluggish, rotting undead. However, these are like performance enhancing drug taking zombies with LeBron James-esque athletic ability, which changes everything. Yes, it looks like they strayed away from the book, and those CGI zombies with the sprinting and leaping abilities of an Olympian are preposterous, but I don’t feel like that’s enough to stop many of us from watching. Sure, the whole point of zombies is that they’re decomposing corpses that aren’t very mobile, but while The Walking Dead films season four, I have no qualms with giving this a watch for a quick zombie fix.

White House Down

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iskWMdbEuA%5DHmm, between Olympus Has Fallen and this, I’m feeling a little apprehensive. Is Hollywood trying to tell us something? Is this like the illuminati’s way of foreshadowing the future? I don’t know, maybe it’s just paranoia, but terrorism and apocalyptic scenarios have been so common in films as of late that it’s worth considering. Plus side? There’s something oddly comforting about having our hypothetical lives in the hands of Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum.

2 Guns

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdv6LqNosp4%5DDenzel is in it so, yes, it’s going to be worth watching. It does seem like they gave away A LOT of the story but I’m assuming it’s a lengthy film if they’re willing to give us so much of the plot in 3 minutes.

Hummingbird

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTAIhXbSZHs%5DJason Statham is having testosterone-fueled interaction with men? That’s a given, but there seems to be a shocker here because it seems as if this movie might actually have a story. Y’know aside from the usual Statham opening massive Costco sized cans of whoop ass on enemies, that seems to be the base of his other films.

The Wolverine

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEbzZP-_Ssc%5DSo, yeah… There’s another one of these…

Man Of Steel

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVu3gS7iJu4%5DI’ve never really been a Superman fan because he’s essentially able to do anything and everything, and I can only appreciate a superhero facing some degree of vulnerability. Spider-Man can get beat up. Batman is literally just a man with expensive gadgets, but Superman is basically capable of everything. Sure, kryptonite is his one weakness but like, if I can steer clear of carbs, this fool can certainly avoid a glowing green rock. That being said, if I’m ever not doing anything at 3 PM on like a Wednesday, I’ll probably, possibly watch it at matinee prices.

After Earth

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKIXQdv4G7o%5DHoly unidentifiable accent! I’m a massive Will Smith fan, so I’d even watch a slow moving golf movie if he were a part of the cast. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Legend of Bagger Vance. However, I’m aware that some of you won’t want to pay to see this film, and I can assure you just from watching this trailer that it’ll constantly be replayed on TBS in 2-3 years if you hold out. Still, it might be fun to go watch if you pretend that it’s the sequel to The Pursuit Of Happyness… Or that it isn’t an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Kick-Ass 2

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UMbwxbgv8U%5DSo Kick-Ass loses Nicolas Cage but Kick-Ass 2ADDS Jim Carrey? YES. This looks fantastic and while I went into the first one thinking it was going to be a PG-13, playful average-dude-turned-hero flick, I will not be caught off guard by the explicit language and brutal violence this time around.

The Conjuring

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb-jRz7HWqs%5DI’m already dreading watching television at night and being greeted by this creepy trailer at every commercial break. I enjoy getting full night of sleep far too much to ever consider watching this movie.