Relatable Writing

So do you guys, like, hate Mondays too? Because I totally hate Mondays. I wake up and it’s like, ugh! Another week of toiling! Am I right? If it’s school OR work, or even if you are unemployed or like taking a little time to figure things out, I mean, EVERYONE hates Mondays, right?

But luckily today is Friday. And I LOVE Fridays, you know? It’s almost the weekend, which means after today I get to cut loose, and tonight I can either drink or just, you know, stay in and watch a movie if I don’t feel like drinking. I’m totally not saying whether you should drink or not, either. Pick your poison, you know? This isn’t just an article for people who drink or choose not to, like, imbibe. This is for everyone.

I love Facebook but I like hate Facebook too. Do you know what I mean? It wastes SO much of my time. But at the same time, it’s like crack, you know?

And don’t even get me started on people who are terrible at Facebook, because some people are terrible at Facebook. No, Random Person, I don’t want to know everything about how your mom is losing all her hair from the chemo! I mean, it’s like really sad and all, but at a certain point — over-share, you know? I wish people would be a little more private sometimes.

I’m not talking about anyone specific though, OK? I mean, all of my friends are great. Don’t you love having friends? My friends are there when I need them, no questions asked.

Except we all have that one friend who everyone kind of secretly hates. Right? Again, I’m not talking about anyone specific.

But like, I have great friends. Good friends are the ones bailing you out of jail, and GREAT friends are the ones sitting next to you in the cell. And my friends would be with me in the cell, laughing about something CRAZY we just did.

I mean, I’ve never been arrested.

But I also, like, don’t judge anyone who has been arrested, you know? Like, I totally understand that some people are forced into doing bad things even though they might be quote unquote illegal. In the movie Taken, I bet Liam Neeson broke a ton of laws, but he did it to save his daughter, you know? So I think it’s OK.

Also, I’ve been thinking about this: anything sounds fun when you leave out details… “Free Food! Exercise with your pals! Bunk Beds!” I just described prison.

Ha! Ha! I know, right!?

How awesome is Taken? Also, how amazing is Pretty Little Liars? Also, how amazing is Dr. Who? I’ve never watched that show, exactly, but every other post I see on Tumblr is from that show, so it must be amazing. I respect what everyone likes, you know?

What? No, I don’t know where that prison joke is from. I don’t remember if I heard it someplace else. Maybe. Lay off, OK?

I know this is totally random, but can I just take a moment to say: people who clip your phone to your belt? Just no, OK. Am I right guys?

Know what sucks? Getting broken up with. Everyone can agree with that. Right? After my last breakup I totally ate way too much ice cream and listened to Adele. But then I decided Enough Was Enough and I went out and got WASTED, you know? Just loving the single life. Because I’m independent. And I don’t need anyone to validate ANYTHING.

I miss her, though, you know? And sometimes I, like, just draw her name in a notebook for hours. Not in a weird way or anything. Just to remember. Memories are good, you know? Remembering the Good Old Days. Things were simpler back then, you know?

I miss being a kid. How awesome was RECESS? Am I right? And passing notes in class. Remember when we had to pass notes? Oh my god that was amazing.

But yeah, breakups are hard. Like, one time, I carved her name in my calf, so it could scar over and I would never forget her. You guys do that too, right?

No? Oh. Oh.

Well, It’s FRIDAY. It’s the freakin’ weekend, you know? We’re gonna have some fun. We’re gonna have so much fun.

And we’ll wake up and be hungover, but then we’ll go and get brunch together and just, like, laugh. And everything will be totally OK. Right? Do you know what I mean? You do, right? Right?