How To Be An 80-Something Who Acts Like A 20-Something
- Relieve your terminal illness by smoking weed or doing some other drug the kids are doing
- Live in a nursing home, but still dress like you’re 60 years younger
- Work through your osteoporosis by getting blackout drunk at least 5 days out of the week
- Troll internet comments sections while taking your blood pressure meds
- Have unprotected sex (old people don’t get STDs)
- Eat your feelings but don’t go overboard because you have high cholesterol
- Post pictures of your nursing home food on Instagram
- Fuck your geriatrician and regret none of it
- Hate everyone
- Escape from your nursing home for a weekend and attend the Pitchfork Music Festival
- Submit a piece to Thought Catalog titled ‘Lena Dunham Is Not A Feminist’
- Feel like you’re not living your 80s to their fullest potential
