The Top 6 Worst Kinds of Instagrammers

As with all forms of social media, Instagram has provided yet another playground for people to act a foo’ in the comfort of their own homes. Gather ’round as I list my six favorite kinds of annoying Instagrammers:

1) The Photo Hoarder

No thanks for saving up a year’s worth of photos and then deciding to post them all within the same three minutes. You are helping neither me nor yourself, especially since I now feel morally obligated to never ever “like” anything of yours ever again. Yours is a sad social media fate, sir.

2) The “Notes” Abuser

It’s a widely accepted fact that Instagram is meant for pictures, not words. By writing something in your notes app, taking a screen shot of it, and then sharing it on Instagram, you are essentially breaking into my safe place unannounced and attacking me with a baseball bat full of depressing lyrics and BFFL shout-outs. I could totally have you arrested for this.

3) The Obsessive Throwback Thursdayer

Again, invasion of safe zone. If I wanted to see pictures of a skinnier you in a high school soccer jersey, I could just go to Facebook! (Disclaimer: I don’t want to do that at all.) Also, please keep in mind that Throwback Thursday and Flashback Friday are the exact same thing. If you are participating in both of these fake social media holidays, I might recommend table tennis! Or going outside! Or any other kind of hobby!

4) The Constant Re-grammer

Thanks for reposting that pic of you and your girls out on the town! I didn’t really care about it when Shoshana posted it originally, but now that you’re posting it I’m totally appreciating its merit!

5) The Text Message Sharer

It’s occasionally okay to take a screenshot of your text conversation and Instagram it, but only under one condition: the text message exchange has to be legitimately funny. This does not include your mom saying something slightly zany or you and your best friend discussing how totally hungover you are. I’m looking for actual comedy here, people. I’m hard to please, I know.

6) The Relentless “Selfie” Poster

At this point, I’ve memorized your bedroom walls, am over-familiarized with your “slight kissy face” look, and have a pretty good grasp on how fast your hair grows. All this and I don’t even know what town you grew up in. Something is dreadfully wrong with this picture.