The Guide To Staying In On A Saturday Night
Have you ever looked at your bank statement after a night of partying? It’s a miserably depressing, 5 minutes of self-loathing regret. Like, I seriously spent $11.71 at Taco Bell? You can eat there like royalty for four bucks, so what the hell could I have possibly bought?
Make Your Mind Up
Staying in on the weekend is an oft-underrated concept. As a professional homebody, I’ve mastered the art of being a recluse. There are specific actions that can make for a more enjoyable, smooth sailing evening at home. For starters you must make the unwavering decision to stay in and be firm on it. Temptations will emerge throughout the day, luring you from your home. Friends will call, mass texts will be received, and club, bars and parties will be juicy sounding alternatives – don’t sway. Stave off the luring invitations sent your way with the certainty that you’re doing the right thing.
Concoct A Plan
If you’ve organized some type of blueprint for your evening, you’ll have much more to look forward to. Even if your actual strategy is to do absolutely nothing, know that in advance. Not only will you be less susceptible to others’ invitations, but you’ll have organized laziness – which is the greatest type of laziness. Planned naps, eating sprees and movie/TV marathons are much more satisfying than impromptu, sporadic ones.
Bask In The Money You’re Saving
You’re going to save cash. Whether it’s a cover charge, overpriced adult beverages or taxi fees – you’ll avoid the many wasteful spending habits that take place on a night out. Have you ever looked at your bank statement after a night of partying? It’s a miserably depressing, 5 minutes of self-loathing regret. Like, I seriously spent $11.71 at Taco Bell? You can eat there like royalty for four bucks, so what the hell could I have possibly bought? The worst part is that we inevitably recall the details of our order in a lengthy, painful bathroom session shortly thereafter. The point is that if you still feel the urge to spend — online shopping, or a smorgasbord of snacks make for much more beneficial evening purchases than various charges and overpriced alcohol.
There’ll Be No Drama (Besides The Reality TV You Watch)
The risk of being punched, kicked, stabbed or shot reduces greatly when you’re not in a room full of intoxicated, angry, stressed, testosterone filled, catty, trouble-seeking individuals. You won’t accidentally step on the shoes of someone who considers the value of your life and their sneakers equal. You won’t be caught looking in the general direction of someone else’s man/woman resulting in an altercation. Avoiding the silly shenanigans that come with the social scene is always a positive thing.
People Will Care… Hopefully
If you’re typically out on weekends, it’ll be noticeable that your marvelous presence is AWOL. The mysteriousness of your location will leave folks speculating, which is a cool feeling. They’ll be enthralled in your current location, and just because you’re probably Netflix-ing or binge snacking, it’s still entertaining to have others think you’re doing some captivating, magnificent activity. And if nobody notices (which is usually the case for me), don’t fret! Just imagine that they’re curious and uber-invested in your life.
You’ll Be Prepared For Sunday
Whether you want to be productive or just have a fresh feeling lazy Sunday, anything will be possible if you’re not hung-over or exhausted. Have brunch, get a jump on the workweek, go to church – whatever tickles your fancy. You can either get the worm through a shot of tequila, Mezcal, or whatever alcohol they serve a worm with — or you can get it by having a calm Saturday night and being the early bird. 
