I Hope You’re Doing Okay (But Don’t Expect A Text)

I hope you’re doing okay, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to reach out to you anytime soon. It doesn’t mean you deserve a place in my life. It doesn’t mean everything you’ve done is magically swept under the rug, no longer an issue, all sins forgiven.

I hope you’re doing okay, but when old memories resurface, when I think too hard about the things you’ve done, bad feelings still bubble up within me. There’s still some anger, some pain, some annoyance, emotions I can usually push through, emotions that have become synonymous with you.

I hope you’re doing okay, but that doesn’t mean I want to see evidence of your happiness. It doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to scroll through your social media, see how you’re doing without the weight of me. It doesn’t mean moving on has been smooth sailing for me. It doesn’t mean a world without you doesn’t suck.

I hope you’re doing okay, but that doesn’t mean walking away was an overreaction. It doesn’t mean I regret anything that happened between us. It doesn’t mean you were right all along or that you deserve an apology. It doesn’t mean that you were innocent, after all.

I hope you’re doing okay, but I can’t be there for you if you’re not. I can’t be the spark who cheers you up, who reminds you everything is going to work out perfectly fine. I can’t put my sanity on the line in order to come to your rescue. I can’t subject myself to you again because we both know how that would end.

I hope you’re doing okay, but it’s all right if you never realize that. I’m not going to reach out to you to let you off the hook for everything you’ve done. I’m not going to give you that closure. I’m not going to risk getting hurt again by trying to ease your pain.

I hope you’re doing okay, but there was a time when that wasn’t so true. There were moments when I wanted you to hurt as much as you hurt me, when I hoped you had trouble falling asleep at night, when I wondered how you could look at yourself in the mirror and accept what you’ve become.

I hope you’re doing okay, but don’t expect a text from me anytime soon. I don’t owe you a conversation. I owe myself peace. And I’m not going to find it by reuniting with you. As much as I miss you, as much as I wish things could be different, I can’t put myself through that hell again.

I hope you’re doing okay because there’s still love in my heart for you. But caring about you doesn’t mean you’re meant to be back in my life. It doesn’t mean we can erase what’s happened in the past. It doesn’t mean we can go back to the way things were.

I hope you’re doing okay without me because even though it’s hard, I’ve finally realized I’m going to be okay without you.