I Don’t Miss You Like I Used To

Isn’t it ironic that the things that consume every detail of our mind eventually become the things we never even think about? The things that once weighed so heavy on our being one day become the same things we stop carrying completely. The things we longed for in the past become the things we don’t even want to touch in the present.

This is a testament to me, my old self, and the things we think we can never fully move forward from until we do—until we find ourselves in a much better place after all.

I don’t miss a lot of the things like I used to. I don’t miss the girl I used to be. I don’t miss my old attachment style and the way I took rejection personally, like it was a reflection of my value and how secure my world was. I don’t miss the way I carried things from my childhood and made them my adult reality. I don’t miss the way I responded to the things that triggered the cortisol in my mind, making me mirror the unhealed parts of the people who raised me. I don’t miss the way I would shrink to fit in spaces that were never meant for me to fit in anyways.

I don’t miss the people I used to love and the person I was when I loved them. I don’t miss the way I tried to fix others. I don’t miss how easily I let them drown me in the work they needed to do for themselves, thinking that it was my job. I don’t miss settling for people who didn’t feel good just because I wanted them to be the ones that made me feel good myself. I don’t miss my light being taken by people who ended up to be just dark and heavy.

I don’t miss the moments spent with people who didn’t ask questions, who didn’t show up in a way that let me know they were actually ever there, and the people who broke my heart by not being who I wanted them to be. I don’t miss them anymore.

I don’t miss anything that turned out to be not really for me, and I sure as hell don’t miss believing I would never find exactly what is.

Do not undermine your growth and the way your body knows how to continue to evolve despite all roadblocks or changes to your map. Remember that whatever and whoever you’re missing right now won’t be accompanied with immense pain for forever. The feeling of missing something doesn’t always mean simultaneously hurting for it. The pain or emptiness you feel inside of you is temporary, so temporary.

May we all remember that life moves even when we don’t, and that one day there will be freedom in the same places that we feel we will never be free from today. One day you won’t miss it to the point of unbearable ache, even if today you do. I promise.