I Love You And I’m Letting You Go

Loving is letting go.

I held on as tightly as I could, until my hands bled and my heart burned. “Don’t leave,” I begged. “Don’t do this, please.” Tears welled, my lips quivered; I looked you in the eye hoping to find you behind that cold, empty stare. I hugged you so tightly that time stopped, and then I let you go.

What does it feel like to let go? It feels like love—love for yourself, love for them, and love for the Universe. To trust in the love that we seek, that it exists, is to love ourselves and ultimately to love this thing we call life. The truth is, I love you. I love you enough to set you free. Because all we have as people is the freedom to choose. And I grew so tired of you never choosing me. But I love you and I’m letting you go to make your own choices and to find your own truth. In case they’ve made you believe otherwise, in case you’ve ignored yourself for too long, in case you’ve forgotten, you too deserve the love you seek.

Your heart knows what you want, sweet love. Please don’t let your head cloud the truth that your soul sings.

My heart ached for you before you remembered me. I spent hours and days second guessing how to get you to care. When I finally got what I was chasing, or so it seemed, I was nowhere to be seen. There was no space left for me in a room of just us two. I cowered to be accepted into your perspective. I made myself small to fit into your frame. But what I didn’t know was how much it wouldn’t matter. Everything that consumes you blinds you from the happiness you seek. And that’s okay, I’m letting you go. It’s time to find a frame that also fits me.

Curious if it’s worth taking a leap of faith to give someone your heart? First look at the way they love themselves, then look at how they love those around them. They used, discarded and rotated their ‘loved ones.’ They abandoned themselves at any sight of difficulty, pining endlessly for nourishment from outside sources. Don’t leap for people who wouldn’t look back if they lost you. You’ll find there’s nothing you actually want on the other side. The love that awaits you won’t feel like a leap of faith. You’ll sense it’s real in every way they greet you.

Darling, why do you chase love that never sees you? I know it feels familiar and special all at once. But the mind loves to play tricks. It feels safest repeating the love you’ve witnessed. And still your heart cries out for more. So never, ever chase, my dear—love hard and then let go.

The love you seek won’t run away; it will always choose you. A love worthy of you will never ask you to stop loving yourself. This love will compliment your shine. And on the bad days, the love that you deserve will follow you bravely into every dark corner, hold your hand when you feel numb, and show you you when you’ve lost sight.

Please don’t let go of you. Let go of pretending—pretending this is love, pretending you don’t feel shitty in the moments where he sleeps on your beauty. Stop pretending it doesn’t hurt and choose to let go. Let go and give love to yourself in the spaces that’ve been freed. Believe me, your heart is too special to be given away to those who don’t know the first thing about it. You deserve to be seen, heard, and met with love—so let go.