Just Because I Miss You Doesn’t Mean I Want You Here

Today your song came on the radio and it triggered a pain in my heart. I took a deep breath and reminded myself not to go down that rabbit hole. You see, I miss you more than you know. I still feel connected to you and I think of you often.

We spent over two years locked in a prison of commitment—not mine, but yours. And though we fought a gravitational pull towards each other, we had no choice but to force ourselves apart. There was something within the both of us that we just didn’t understand.

Fate brought us the keys to free you for the moment, and like a prisoner set free, you rushed in for the kiss. I had no idea what we were about to face, but we rushed in like a pair of unsupervised teenagers.

Your love was like a caged bird set free, an overwhelming blanket of responsibility placed on me. I wanted to love you so bad, but my heart belonged to another, someone whose love eluded me once before. And like a moth to a flame, I went towards his light and left you in the darkness.

The day came when you had your world shaken to its core, and without even knowing, my soul felt your collapse. I was afraid to be the rock you needed, knowing my heart was crumbling with guilt for your loss.

I know we are soulmates, and I feel you still. We have both moved on and found love without each other. I miss our talks, I miss our banter, and I miss the gravitational pull we fought so diligently. But even though I miss you, you weren’t meant for me. I loved you more than you’ll understand, so I let you escape my inability to love wholeheartedly.

Just because I miss you doesn’t mean I want you here. It just means we had something great, and though it was short lived, it meant everything to me.